January #430 1/15/2019

How can you think love will end when I’ve asked you to spend your whole life with me?
“Never My Love” – 1967 – The Association

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. The Drivel rambles through this thing called life, stopping here and there for reflection, an enlightenment, some storytelling, and a touch of humor perhaps. Oh yes, an occasional rant. All the while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s and early 70’s. Yep – Lost in The Sixties. Remember, the brave kids who made this land free for you.

Sadly, we lost a dear family member today. Kinnick, Jenny’s 13-year old yellow lab and best friend past away yesterday. He had been suffering for some time. Everyone he met, loved him. He was always a gentleman, treating everyone with a waging tail and a big slobbery lick. He will be greatly missed.

Middle of January 2019. Boy time flies when you have absolutely nothing going on. I mean, I’m not complaining in the least but now I am stressing over wondering what it is that I am forgetting. We got 5 inches of snow over the weekend. It has been so long I wasn’t sure what it was at first. Saturday was not fun. Our condo association snow crew didn’t arrive on scene until 10:30pm. Poor Murphy couldn’t do his customary #2. We figured out it was because he couldn’t see the sidewalk. I thought he would explode but he toughed it out. When the sidewalk was uncovered, he raced out and down 4 houses and let out a sigh of relief.

Remember back in the 60’s when it was cool knowing that you could reduce the mileage on your odometer by driving backwards? Low mileage would make it sell for a higher price. Had to be careful in town though. The more adventuresome tried letting air out of their tires and driving the car on railroad tracks. It was hard to get off the tracks when a big ole train pulling 100 coal cars is bearing down on you. You didn’t have to worry about driving in town though. Okay. Finally, some brainiack got smart enough lift the backend up so the wheels were off the ground, put blocks in front of the wheels, put it in reverse and watch the miles reduce. Hey, you don’t suppose if we run backwards, that we would lose weight, do you? Ya, probably not. If memory serves right about the time, I had enough money to buy a car, Detroit eliminated that flaw. Shucks! Just heard on TV that if you drive backwards, you will save on gas. Who knew!

After much insistence from his wife, Sam visited an audiologist. There, he was told that, yes, he would need hearing aids and they ranged in price from $10.00 to $2,000. “I’ll try the $10.00 pair” Sam said.

The nurse placed hearing aids into his ears and hung a wire around his neck. “Does the wire really have to be around my neck?” asked Sam.

“Why of course,” replied the nurse. “You think these things in your ears do anything? It’s the wire around your neck — it makes people talk louder!”

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’ ‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’

The wife stared at him. ‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’ The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel’s ear and she said, “Mabel, did you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear? ” Mabel answered, “I have a suppository?” She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, “Ethel, I’m glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is.”

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening at church service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, “STOP! ACTS 2:38!” (Repent and be baptized, in the name of the lord, so that your sins may be forgiven.). The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell scripture at you.” “SCRIPTURE?!” replied the burglar, “She said she had an AXE and TWO 38’s!

The Wallingford sign for this week.

…….. Well my friends, there you have it as told by yours truly to you all. Thanks for allowing me into your day, if only for a brief time. It is always an honor. If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, my day was not wasted. Until we meet again – “TA!”

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