Driving #427 12/3/2018

Since you left me if you see me with another girl, looking like I’m having fun although she may be cute, she’s just a substitute ’cause you’re the permanent one. – The Tracks of My Tears – 1965 – Smokey Robinson & The Miracles

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. The Drivel rambles through this thing called life, stopping here and there for reflection, an enlightenment, some storytelling, and a touch of humor perhaps. Oh yes, an occasional rant. All the while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s and early 70’s. Yep – Lost in The Sixties. Remember, the brave kids who made this land free for you.

The Romaine Empire has fallen. Ceasar is dead. Lettuce pray.
But this too shall pass.

While driving to Iowa City the other day for a doctor’s appointment. No, not for me for once. This time my car needed some attention. Seems as though it’s stupid driver hit a curb and ruined the sidewall of a tire. What an idiot. I was daydreaming a bit about this and that.

I don’t remember if I told you about replacing my windows in my old house. A few years back I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double pane, energy-efficient kind. A year later, I got a call from Home Depot. They were the ones who installed them and they did a fine job. The man complained that the work had been completed a year ago, and I still hadn’t paid for them. HHHelloo…….just because I’m somewhat old doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me the year before… that these windows would pay for themselves in a year.

Helloooooo, it’s been a year, so they’re paid for, I told him. There was only silence, crickets, at the other end of the line for a considerable time, so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot!!!!

I returned to the Cedar Rapids airport after a trip out west. I couldn’t find my luggage in the airport baggage area. Patiently, I waited and stared at each bag as it circled on the carousel past me, one by one being grabbed up by its owner. When there were no more bags on the carousel, I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags hadn’t shown up on the carousel.

She smiled and told me not to worry because they were trained professionals and he was in good hands. Then she asked, “Has your plane arrived yet?” Head scratcher!!!!

The nurse practitioner (aka service tech) informs me after the normal 20-minute check over that indeed I have a bad tire, but the good news is that the rim is fine. It just had some tire scuff marks on it. They cleaned it and it is fine. Now on the tire side. Being radials, you don’t replace a single tire like in the old days (Bias tire) so you buy a pair. Here is the good part. These are original tires. Car has about 37,000 miles on it. That puts remaining tread somewhere around 3-4/32nds. At 2/32nds you should begin to get serious about new tires. So, does it make sense to put 2 new tires now knowing that 2 more will be needed soon putting the tire rotations and replacements out of sync? Or go for the full set now? That’s the grabber!!!! I tossed a coin that I borrowed from a guy and dropped under a table, so I said the heck with it and went with the full set. When I looked back, he was still trying to get the coin back.

Faced with a 1 ½ hour wait for the new booties to be laced onto the Audi, I read everything laying around in the waiting room which consists of the usual dogeared magazines new months ago. I read an article about a woman wanting to find a husband, so she puts out an ad. “I’m looking for a man that won’t hit me, won’t run away, and can satisfy me.” A week passes. She hears a very loud knock at the door. She answers it., and it is a man with no arms or legs. He says. “I won’t beat you, I have no arms. I won’t run away, I have no legs. The woman smiles and replies, “And how do you know you can satisfy me?” He grins and says, “Did you hear me knocking?”

In a ‘Food and Wine’ magazine, I think it was, I read that a married woman entered a pharmacy, walked to the Pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes and said, “I would like to buy FAST KILLING POISON FOR HUMANS”. The bewildered Pharmacist asked, “why, what for”” the lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband”. The Pharmacist shouted, “Lord have mercy, it’s against the law! It’s a sin.” “Absolutely not”, shouted the lady. She reached into her bag and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the Pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and screamed, “Why didn’t you tell me you had a prescription?”

All in all, it was a pretty rotten day. Like the Pharmacist above and his bad news, I got home, looked at the mail, including a letter from my boss. That can’t be good news I’m thinking, and sure enough, it wasn’t. First, you see, my ex got run over by a bus. Then I got this letter firing me from my job as a bus driver. Coincidence, I think not! That’s what I call a bad day.

My wife trying to console me I assume, comes out of the bathroom after her shower, stark naked, and walks into the bedroom. She said to me, “Babe, shut the curtains. I don’t want the neighbors to see me naked”. Don’t worry” I said, “If the neighbors see you naked, they’ll shut their own darn curtains!” Believe me!

The Wallingford sign for this week.

…….. Well my friends, there you have it as told by yours truly to you all. It wasn’t great, but it was interesting at least. Thanks for allowing me into your day, if only for a brief time. It is always an honor. If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, my day was not wasted. Until we meet again – “TA!”

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