Aphorism? #426 11/20/2018

And when I told her, her kisses were not like before, She cried (She cried). I thought that our romance was over and done, but to her it had just begun. – She Cried – 1962 – Jay and The Americans

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. The Drivel rambles through this thing called life, stopping here and there for reflection, an enlightenment, some storytelling, and a touch of humor perhaps. Oh yes, an occasional rant. All the while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s and early 70’s. Yep – Lost in The Sixties. Remember, the brave kids who made this land free for you.

Hello Drivel, faithful. Before I get too far down the road today, Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I hope the Turkey fairy brings you everything are looking for. Well, my big event last week was going through a stress test. I was not looking forward to it. I had one 20 years or so ago. I thought the treadmill part was going to kill me and I was in pretty good condition at the time. Now at my advanced years I was not looking forward to a treadmill experience like I remembered. They put an IV in and did the usual Q & A thing. I heard the nurse say something about obese. I retorted, “I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see.”

I get escorted into this room with a CT scanner. I was asked to remove my shirt and lay down on this bed. Now the term “bed” is not exactly correct. You see it was like a hard board about 8 inches wide. At the top was a hard-plastic gizmo they called a pillow. I had to lay on this thing for about 20 minutes as they put me through the CT scanner injecting various medications from time to time. Not all that unpleasant and one heck of a lot easier than the treadmill. Now we wait for the results.

Just as the graveside service finished, there was a distant lightning bolt accompanied by a tremendous burst of rumbling thunder. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, “Well, she’s there and it’s His problem now,”

I was walking home last night and decided to take a short cut through the cemetery… 3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them “I understand… I used to get freaked out too when I was alive.” Never seen anyone run so fast.

An aphorism is a statement of truth or opinion expressed in a concise and witty manner. The term is often applied to philosophical, moral and literary principles.

  • I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?
  • I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
  • When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
  • Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
  • America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
  • You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.
  • My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that!
  • I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
  • Money talks … but all mine ever says is good-bye.
  • If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
  • I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”
  • I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”
  • Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!
  • The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
  • I think it is pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
  • Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
  • The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

Now, don’t you feel better knowing what an aphorism is?

The Wallingford sign for this week.

…….. Well my friends, there you have it as told by yours truly to you all. It wasn’t great, but it was interesting at least. Thanks for allowing me into your day, if only for a brief time. It is always an honor. If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, my day was not wasted. Until we meet again – “TA!”

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