Oh, The Kids #425 11/10/2018

Maybe the sun’s light will be dim and it won’t matter anyhow if morning’s echo says we’ve sinned. Well, it was what I wanted now and if we’re victims of the night I won’t be blinded by the light – “Angel of the Morning” – 1966 – Merrilee Rush

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. The Drivel rambles through this thing called life, stopping here and there for reflection, an enlightenment, some storytelling, and a touch of humor perhaps. Oh yes, an occasional rant. All the while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s and early 70’s. Yep – Lost in The Sixties. Remember, the brave kids who made this land free for you.

Please, remember our Veterans on November 11. It is Veterans day. This day is the day WW1 was ended at the eleventh hour. So, on the 11th month, the 11th day, at the 11th hour WW1 ended, and we celebrate all our Veterans.

Tuesday – Mid-Term Election Day. It came upon me so quickly. I didn’t realize it was so soon. I hardly realized that we were in November. Yeah, yeah, I noticed a few political commercials from time to time but still…. That reminds me, did anyone notice how the daylight savings time “fall back” event was such a non-event? If it wasn’t for my current wife I wouldn’t have even known. Well actually, I didn’t know. I woke up with my alarm clock reading one thing and I thought “wow I slept in, cool.” I got up, stretched, got about my business and looked at my cell phone. It showed a time an hour earlier. What the heck. I went out to the kitchen where the current misses proudly informed me, she had changed all the clocks she knew about. My buoyant attitude sank like a rock. I am usually pretty aware of this type of thing, but I don’t remember it being an issue on the news programs and any shows I was watching. It was all about some stupid elections. Such is life, I guess.

So, I got sick and tired of this election stuff. I began surfing the ‘net’. I ran across a couple of cute list that I thought would be fun to share. The ‘definition of old’ is one that I certainly can relate to a good number of this. Maybe you can also.

Definition of “OLD”

#1 I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair. She turned to me and asked, “Are you having it catered?” And that, my friend, is the sad definition of “OLD”.

#2 Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, “How old was your husband?” “98,” she replied: “Two years older than me”. “So, you’re 96,” the undertaker commented. She responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it?”

#3 Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”

#4 I’ve sure gotten old! I have outlived my feet and my teeth. I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.

#5 I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

#6 An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. “Wal-Mart?” the preacher exclaimed. “Why Wal-Mart?” “Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week”

#7 My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

#8 Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

#9 It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

#10 These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, ‘For fast relief.’

#11 THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you’re supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

Someone took the time to ask some kids a variety of questions about men/women relationships. Here are some of their responses.

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. – Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with. – Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. – Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. – Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don’t want any more kids. — Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. – Lynnette, age 8(isn’t she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. – Martin, age 10 (Mmmmm??)

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they’re rich. – Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.- – Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do. — Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. – Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there? — Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is…..

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. – Ricky, age 10
One thing I have noticed in moving are keys. Yes, keys. We have keys and more keys. Where they all came from, I know not. Where they all belong, I know not. An ‘SOS’ alarm was issued by daughter Debby, the younger elder, for a key to a door in her old house. I started rummaging. I found a collection of 50-60 keys accumulated that appeared to be door lock keys. Mind you the keys had no labeling or marking of any kind at all. Just another bit of evidence of how detail oriented with everything labeled clearly. Hah, no problem, I will get to those later. Just after I send in my application gets mailed into the procrastinators club. Which reminds me, I need to do.

My current wife and I take out quart size zip lock bag full of keys to Debby’s house. Net gain of 3 keys for her house. Not a mother lode like I had hoped for. We next stopped by our old house which I was sure that a lot of these keys would be to this house. Key after key failed. What is going on here? I have lived in this house for 42 years or so. I can’t have house keys to anywhere else but there is the proof. Look for a miscellaneous bag of keys for sale on Craig’s list, they may be mine.

Friday should be a bang-up day for the Bailey clan of Cedar Rapids. After what seems like an eternity, my current wife has an appointment scheduled to receive her shot that is supposed to relieve the pain in her back. She literally has been waiting for months. It took forever to get the right doctor. Then to get the insurance approval where there was a snafu. Then waiting for the backlogged medicine to come in. Friday will be the day. Hurray!

Not to be outdone, phase II of our house swap will be completed. Phase I was our move into a condo which we purchased in July. Phase II was the selling of Debby’s home. That was a gigantic challenge because just as she put it on the market, the city tore up the street in front of her house. That made it rather difficult to show the house to prospective buyers. A couple of months went by with everyone getting nervous, mostly Debby, when out of the blue a buyer turns up, looks at the home and falls in love with it. They place an offer and it is accepted and tomorrow is the closing date. Hurray! Way to go Debby!!! Phase III should follow shortly.

Now on a lighter note. Back in 2005, the Chevron gas station in Seattle’s Wallingford neighborhood converted their auto repair shop into a convenience store. Their outdoor sign – once used for service promotions and store specials – became redundant with the inside of the store already plastered with signage. So, the owners decided to have fun with the outdoor sign instead, and the @WallingfordSign was born. This weekly sign message has become so popular, it has become a more effective marketing tool for the gas station than anything prior. Here is one of their signs.

…….. Well my friends, there you have it as told by yours truly to you all. It wasn’t great, but it was interesting at least. Thanks for allowing me into your day, if only for a brief time. It is always an honor. If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, my day was not wasted. Until we meet again – “TA!”

Drivel Over Coffee is available on the internet at www.drivelovercoffee.com or if you prefer to receive it via email, send an email to doycebailey@yahoo.com.