Flies- #414 8/7/2018

Well early one evenin’ I was rolling around; I was feelin’ kinda mean I shot a deputy down,
Strolled along home and I went to bed. – Bad Man Blunder – 1960 – The Kingston Trio

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. The Drivel rambles through this thing called life, stopping here and there for reflection, an enlightenment, some storytelling, and a touch of humor perhaps. All the while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s and early 70’s. Yep – Lost in The Sixties. Remember, the brave kids who made this land free for you and me.

August already. Who would have thought summer would be passing so quickly? The Iowa State Fair is just around the corner which is a precursor to school starting for the fall. For me it seems as though the fly population has been extremely healthy this year. Thinking positively, I have to believe that my sweaty aroma is that of sweet athletic juices trickling into my Depends. Reality tells me it has nothing at all to do with “sweet athletic juices” but more likely old sweaty sweat socks encased in moldy 20-year-old sneakers.

We have been on the move packing and moving most of June and July. I believe we have worked our way through several generations of flies. Each generation it seems has passed on specific attack patterns to the next group of progenies, making that generation a little more tenacious. I am then forced to modify my defense strategies and try to cull or eliminate the herd if possible. It appears to be that I am fighting to a stalemate at this moment however.

There latest ploy is to land on areas where a fly swatter is unlikely to attack. As I am writing they are doing touch and go landings on the top of my head. As soon as I get the courage ramped up and my eyes closed to swat my head, off they go. They go down to a knee or an ankle, maybe an arm, then off to regroup. Pesky darn things. Then here is a single kamikaze attack on my ear. Right down the ear canal of my ear and back out. Full throttle Star Wars style. I am domed.

But hey, flies are only pests and you can see them, spar with them and so on. They are what they are. You swat them, you miss them, or you hit them. Eventually you win, and they are gone. Send in the next batch. Ha, Ha!

Forgetting about flies for the moment, I have created a list of fifteen or sixteen things that are true about me at this elder stage of my life. These may apply to you or they may not.

All I am saying is that they work for me.

#1 – I talk to myself, because there are times I need expert advice.
#2 – I consider “In Style” to be the clothes that still fit.
#3 – I don’t need anger management I need people to stop pissing me off.
#4 – My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance for idiots that needs work.
#5 – The biggest lie I tell myself is, “I don’t need to write that down. I’ll remember it.”
#6 – I have days when my life is just a tent away from a circus.
#7 – These days, “on time” is when I get there.
#8 – Even duct tape can’t fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.
#9 – Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
#10 – Lately, I’ve noticed people my age are so much older than me.
#11 – “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering why I’m there.
#12 – When I was a child, I thought nap time was punishment. Now it feels like a mini vacation.
#13 – Some days I have no idea what I’m doing out of bed.
#14 – I thought growing old would take longer.
#15 – Aging sure has slowed me down, but it hasn’t shut me up.
#16 – I still haven’t learned to act my age.

Back to flies. My current wife wanders into the kitchen to find me stalking around with the fly swatter. It was brand new because I broke the other one during a dog fight with a fly a couple of days ago. “What are you doin?” she asked. “Hunting flies,” I responded. “Oh! Killing any!” she asked. “Yep, 3 males, 2 females,” I replied. Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell them apart?” He responded, “3 were on a Blatz beer can, 2 were on your cell phone.”

…….. Well my friends, there you have it as told by yours truly to you all. Thanks for allowing me back into your day, if only for a brief time. It is always an honor. If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, my day was not wasted. Until we meet again – “TA!”

Drivel Over Coffee is available on the internet at www.drivelovercoffee.com or if you prefer to receive it via email, send an email to doycebailey@yahoo.com.