Much Ado About Nothing #401 5/1/2018

The leader of the band is tired, and his eyes are growing old, but his blood runs through my instrument and his song is in my soul. My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man. I’m just a living legacy to the leader of the band. Leader Of The Band 1981 Dan Fogelberg

(written as a tribute to his father, Lawrence Fogelberg, a musician and the leader of a band, who was still alive at the time the song was released. Lawrence died in August 1982, but not before this hit song made him a celebrity)

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. The Drivel rambles through this thing called life, stopping here and there for reflection, an enlightenment, some storytelling, and a touch of humor perhaps. All the while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s and early 70’s. Yep – Lost in The Sixties.

Our long-time followers will remember when we called this blog Trashy Tuesday. You see I started this are as rant against our solid waste people. They have rigid rules, time schedules and a gestapo police force that circle the city in unmarked cars to catch people violating the rules. Eventually, I was able to provide some education to my readers. At that point Drivel was born. I awoke this morning, stretched, turned the alarm off, inventoried the functionality of the limbs, and realized that this, is indeed, the first day of the rest of my life. Awesome, I suppose. That “rest of my life” could be minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years or whatever, who knows?

Oh hey, just an FYI, the quotes and music excerpts above should really be investigated. I select them each week because they have some meaning to me but I think to all of us if we just look, listen, and ponder the words and meanings. Give it a go.

Aphorism

  • I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
  • Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
  • America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
  • You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
  • My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that!
  • I think my neighbor is stalking me…. she’s been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
  • I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”
  • The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
  • I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
  • Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
  • The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

Now, don’t you feel better knowing what an aphorism is?

This N That

Over the last few days, I have had to be out shopping for an item or two. Usually it has been one item here at this store and another at another store. For instance, Saturday I went to my least favorite HyVee store to get a 1-gallon bottle of distilled water for my CPAP machine. I did not have enough for that night. This is where I get it usually. Bingo, the shelf Is picked clean. A friendly smile started up the aisle but saw me cursing at the empty space and did a 180-degree turn. I proceeded to checkout as I had purchased 2 other items also. Did you find everything you needed? They asked. Ah, no. Distilled water. Manager wanders over to explain the truck hasn’t come in yet and I can come back later. Sorry bud not an option. Off I go to a competitor where they have all the distilled water a person would ever want or need. My go to place from now on.

But seriously, lately I have had to make multiple stops to get one measly item. Look closely at the store shelves. There really isn’t much inventory. Walgreens is a good one. I was there today. The item I wanted was 2 for $3.00. Great, $1.50 apiece. I grab the box and there was only one. Okay, then I read the price sticker, $1.79 each. Oh, no baby. Not paying 29 cents more because they can’t carry enough stock. So that’s the way it goes in the life of this ole’ fart these days.

◆ Daughter Debby, my current wife and I attended the Eastern Iowa Honor Flight Orientation on Sunday. They gave us our uniform for the flight (polo shirt, and cap) then proceeded to explain all the rules, regulations, do’s and don’ts for the flight on May 15th. Debby is really stoked. We will see how stoked she is after pushing the wheel chair all over for a day. I must admit I am getting a little amped up myself. Should be an exciting trip plus a long day. This group of volunteers really put forth tremendous effort. They deserve an awful lot of praise and thanks for the 31 flights they have put on so far.

If you are not familiar with the Honor Flights they are flown to Washington DC escorted by volunteers on buses to see the war memorials leaving early in the am and returning the same day. Each veteran is escorted by a family member or friend. The veterans cost is fully paid. Totally awesome program. Currently, they are taking the oldest veterans first so, WWII get priority, followed by Korean War and Vietnam.

Tortoise Humor

A disturbed tortoise crawls into a police station. “I’ve been robbed by a murderous gang of snails, he announces. “Calm down,” says a cop. “Just tell us everything that happened.” “That’s difficult,” says the tortoise. “It all happened so fast!”

◆ A young man with a reputation for being slow couldn’t keep a job. He was finally hired to work at the local zoo. The keeper knew the young man’s nature and told him to take care of the tortoises. When the keeper checked on the tortoises, he found the young man staring at an open gate. There was not a tortoise to be seen. “Where are the tortoises?” he asked. “I can’t believe it,” said the slow poke. “I opened the door and zoom, they were gone!”

◆ One day a lion wakes up in a bad mood and summons the other animals in the jungle. “I want each of you to tell a joke, but I warn you that if anyone of you fails to laugh, I’ll kill the one who told it. Let’s see, monkey, you will be first.”

Shaking with fear the monkey begins, “Two men are in the street and…” When he finishes, everyone bursts out laughing save the tortoise. “The tortoise didn’t laugh!” roars the lion, pouncing on the monkey and ripping him to pieces. Then he orders, “Elephant, you’re next.”

Cursing through clenched teeth, the elephant begins, “A drunk walks into a bar and…” When he finishes, all the animals split their sides laughing except the tortoise, who remains impassive. “The tortoise didn’t think it was funny!” exclaimed the lion who, seeing that the furious elephant is about to step on the tortoise, kills the elephant with his claws.

By now, everyone wants to murder the tortoise, but nobody dares move. “Now it’s your turn, tiger,” orders the lion. The scared tiger begins, “They say that Little Red Riding Hood…” At that moment, the tortoise falls over laughing. “What’s with you?” bellows the lion. “Tiger hasn’t finished yet…” To which the tortoise replies, “The monkey’s joke is hilarious!”

Front Seat

A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a large tortoise in the front seat. “What are you doing with that turtle?” He exclaimed, “You should take it to the zoo.” The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the turtle again in the front seat, with both wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over. “I thought you were going to take that turtle to the zoo!” The man replied, “I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!”

Fatherly Advice

Many years ago, a newlywed young man was sitting on a couch on a hot, humid day, sipping frozen juice during a visit to his father. As he talked about adult life, marriage, responsibilities, and obligations, the father thoughtfully stirred the ice cubes in his glass and cast a clear, sober look on his son. “Never forget your friends,” he advised, “they will become more important as you get older.” “Regardless of how much you love your family and the children you happen to have, you will always need friends. Remember to go out with them occasionally, do activities with them, call them.”

“What strange advice!” The young man thought. “I just entered the married world, I am an adult and surely my wife and the family that we will start will be everything I need to make sense of my life.” Yet he obeyed his father; Kept in touch with his friends and annually increased their number. Over the years, he became aware that his father knew what he was talking about. Since time and nature carry out their designs and mysteries on a man, friends were the bulwarks of his life.

After 60 years of life, here is what he learned:
• Time passes.
• Life goes on.
• The distance separates.
• Children grow up.
• Children cease to be children and become independent. And to the parents it breaks the heart, but the children are separate of the parents. Grandchildren too grow up and begin busy lives with little time to spend with the older generation.
• Jobs come and go.
• Illusions, desires, attraction, sex … weaken.
• People do not do what they should do.
• The heart breaks.
• Parents die.
• Colleagues forget the favors.
• The races are over.

But, true friends are always there, no matter how long or how many miles away they may be. A friend is never more distant than the reach of a phone, or a need, barring you, intervening in your favor, waiting for you with open arms or blessing your life.
When we started this adventure called LIFE, we did not know of the incredible joys or sorrows that were ahead. We did not know how much we would need from each other. Love your parents, take care of your children, but keep a group of good friends. Dialogue with them but do not impose your criteria.

…….. Well my friends, there you have it as told by yours truly to you’all. Thanks for allowing me back into your day, if only for a brief time. It is always an honor. If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!” or as the Norski’s say TATA!

Drivel Over Coffee is available on the internet at www.drivelovercoffee.com or if you prefer to receive it via email, send an email to doycebailey@yahoo.com.