Food #395 3/20/2018

The eastern world, it is explodin’, violence flarin’, bullets loadin’. You’re old enough to kill but not for votin’. You don’t believe in war, but what’s that gun you’re totin’. And even the Jordan river has bodies floatin’. Eve of Destruction Barry McGuire 1965

Sadly, according to Time magazine approximately 71% of the 34 million 17-to-24-year-olds in the U.S. would not qualify for military service because of reasons related to health, physical appearance and educational background, according to the Pentagon. The ineligible typically includes those who are obese, those who lack a high school diploma or a GED, convicted felons, those taking prescription drugs for ADHD and those with certain tattoos and ear gauges, the Wall Street Journal reports. Time to wake up America!

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. The Drivel rambles through this thing called life, stopping here and there for reflection, an enlightenment, some storytelling, and a touch of humor perhaps. All while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s and early 70’s. Yep – Lost in The Sixties.

Eating in The Fifties/Sixties

Who remembers those days so long ago but yet so close to our heart? How many of these food related things do you remember? Since I am just an old Iowa farm boy, I remember them all.

• Pasta had not been invented. It was macaroni or spaghetti.
• Curry was a surname.
• A take-away was a mathematical problem.
• Pizza? Sounds like a leaning tower somewhere.
• Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.
• All chips were plain.
• Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking.
• Teas were made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green.
• Chickens didn’t have fingers in those days.
• None of us had ever heard of yogurt.
• Healthy food consisted of anything edible.
• Cooking outside was called camping.
• Prunes were medicinal. Ah, yes medicinal prunes. Who can forget those?
• Pineapples came in chunks in a tin; we had only seen a picture of a real one.
• Water came out of the tap. If someone had suggested bottling it and charging more than gasoline for it, they would have become a laughing stock.
• The one thing that we never ever had on/at our table in the fifties…. Was elbows, hats and cell phones.

 

Hunting Geese

So, this guy in Rhode Island is hunting for geese. He catches one and puts it in his bag with some other geese. Just as he closes the bag, a Hunting Inspector walks up. “Sir, can I please see that bag?” he asks. “Sure,” says the hunter and hands the bag over.

The Inspector looks through the bag, pulls out one goose, and sticks his finger up its arse. He pulls it out, smells it and says, “This here’s a Virginia goose, do you have a Virginia Hunting License?” The hunter looks through his wallet, pulls it out and shows it to the inspector. The inspector nods and sticks his hand in the bag. He pulls out another goose and sticks his finger up its arse and says, “This here’s a Maine goose, do you have a Maine Hunting License?”

The hunter looks again through his wallet, pulls out the card, and shows it to the inspector. He nods again. He pulls out the last goose and repeats the routine and says, “This here is a Rhode Island goose, do you have a Rhode Island Hunting License?” The hunter fishes through his wallet, shows the card to the inspector and puts it back in. “Boy,” you are having all these licenses, where you from?” asks the Inspector. The hunter pulls down his pants and asks, “Why don’t you find out?”

 

How I Lost My Teeth

Many years ago, while on vacation out west, I was in The Western Bar and Grill one night sitting at the bar waiting for a beer. A butt-ugly, big old heifer (a girl) came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. She said, “Hey sexy, how about giving me your number.” I looked at her and said, “Have you got a pen.” She said, “I sure do.” I said, “Well, you better get back in it before the farmer notices you’re missing.” My dental surgery was the next Friday.

 

God Is Watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large tray of apples. The nun posted a sign on the apples tray, “Take only one. God is watching.” Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

 

Young Son

A young couple took their two-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.” The next morning, when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. “Gee, mom,” he exclaimed. “For me?” “Just take two,” his mother replied. “The rest are for your father.”

 

Well my friends, thanks for allowing me back into your day, if only for a brief time. It is always an honor. If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!”

Drivel Over Coffee is available on the internet at www.drivelovercoffee.com or www.dabailey.com. It can also be found on Facebook (search “drivel over coffee”). If you prefer to receive it via email, email to doycebailey@yahoo.com.