Kids #392 2/27/2018

You know that it would be untrue. You know that I would be a liar. If I was to say to you.
Girl, we couldn’t get much higher. “Light My Fire” The Doors 1967

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. The Drivel rambles through this thing called life, stopping here and there for reflection, an enlightenment, some storytelling, and a touch of humor perhaps. All while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s and early 70’s. Yep – Lost in The Sixties.

I feared my current wife, Sue, wasn’t hearing as well as she used to, and I thought she might need a hearing aid or at least cleaned. Not quite sure how to approach her, I called the family doctor to discuss the problem. The doctor told me there is a simple informal test I could perform to give him a better idea about her hearing loss.

“Here’s what you do,” said the doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”

That evening, Sue is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and I was in the den. I said to myself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.” In a normal tone I ask, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” No response. So, I move closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from her and repeat, “Sue, what’s for dinner?” Still no response.

Next, I move into the dining room where I am about 20 feet from her and ask, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Again, I get no response. So, I walk up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Again, there is no response. So, I walk right up behind her. “Sue, what’s for dinner?” “Damn it, Doyce, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!” Immediately, I’m dialing the phone. Hello, is this the VA? I would like to schedule a hearing test as soon as possible.

Children In Church
• A Sunday school teacher asked her class, “What was Jesus’ mother’s name?” One child answered, “Mary.” The teacher then asked, “Who knows what Jesus’ father’s name was?” A little kid said, “Verge.” Confused, the teacher asked, “Where did you get that?” The kid said, “Well, you know, they are always talking about Verge n’ Mary.”

• 3-year-old Reese: “Our Father, Who, does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen.”

• A little boy was overheard praying: “Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a really good time like I am.”

• After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you.”

• I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord’s Prayer for several evenings at bedtime. She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: “Lead us not into temptation,” she prayed, “but deliver us from E-mail.

• One four-year-old prayed, “And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”

• A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”

• Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.” “Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, “See those two men standing by the door? They’re hushers.”

• A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’ Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”

• A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. “Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked. “He died and went to Heaven,” the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, “Did God throw him back down?”

• A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?” “I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied. “Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”

…. Well my friends, thanks for allowing me back into your day, if only for a short time. It is always an honor. If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!”

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