Be Mine! #390 2/13/2018

I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now, from up and down and still somehow. It’s cloud’s illusions I recall, I really don’t know clouds at all. Both Sides Now Judy Collins 1967

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. The Drivel rambles through this thing called life, stopping here and there for reflection, an enlightenment, some storytelling, and a touch of humor perhaps. All while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s and early 70’s. Yep – Lost in The Sixties.

Well it looks as if tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. On my calendar anyway. We have always kind of just let the wedding anniversary carry over to Valentines since they are only 3 days apart. When I was younger I really couldn’t afford to fork out the money for a bunch of bling bling to give the current wife who may or may not find my choice useful. I don’t have a very high average picking the suitable gift. Below are some stories I found of other couples that had similar problems.

A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, “Pack your bags, I’ve won the lottery!” The husband excitedly asks, “Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?” She says, “Pack’em all, you’re leaving!”

A Thoughtful Valentine’s Day Gift

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight.” he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it – to find a book entitled “The meaning of dreams.”

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine’s Day. “Yes,” came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, “I’ve bought her a belt and a bag.” “That was very kind of you,” Jim added, “I hope she appreciated the thought.” Tony smiled as he replied, “So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.”

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her Valentines Day was not far off, he asked what she’d like. “I’d like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of Valentines, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling, and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure! Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, “Well Dear, what was it like being six again?” Her eyes slowly opened, and her expression suddenly changed. “I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!” The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

A WOMAN’S POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to “how big is my behind?”
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

A MAN’S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
doesn’t rhyme and I don’t give a damn.

…. Well my friends, thanks for allowing me back into your day. It is always an honor. If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!”

Drivel Over Coffee is available on the internet at www.drivelovercoffee.com or www.dabailey.com. It can also be found on Facebook (search “drivel over coffee”). If you prefer to receive it via email, email to doycebailey@yahoo.com.