Gooble? #381 11/21/2017

“Operator, well, could you help me place this call? See, the number on the matchbook is old and faded She’s living in L. A. with my best old ex-friend Ray. A guy, she said she knew well and sometimes hated.” Jim Croce Operator 1972

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. A blog that rambles through this thing called life, stopping here and there for reflection, enlightenment, storytelling, and joke telling. All the while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s and early 70’s. Yep, Lost in The Sixties.

I would like to extend with my current wife , Sue, a very joyful and blessed Thanksgiving to all of my faithful Drivel Over Coffee readers and your family and friends.

Twas the Nite of Thanksgiving
Twas the Nite of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn’t sleep. I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep. The leftovers beckoned – The dark meat and white. But I fought the temptation with all of my might. Tossing and turning with anticipation. The thought of a snack became infatuation.

So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore. Gobbled up turkey, buttered potatoes, pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes. I felt myself swelling so plump and so round, ’til all of a sudden, I rose off the ground. I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky with a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie.

But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees…. Happy eating to all – Pass the cranberries, please. May your stuffing be tasty, may your turkey be plump. May your potatoes ‘n gravy have nary a lump, may your yams be delicious, may your pies take the prize, may your thanksgiving dinner, stay off of your thighs. Happy Turkey Day

Black Friday
Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

Turkey Hunters’ Tale
Charles (not his real name) and I were discussing our latest turkey shoot. I said emphatically, “that I am never going to take my current wife shooting with me ever again, Charles!”

“That bad, eh?” enquires Charles smiling. “Yeah, Sue did everything wrong, got nothing right. She chattered too much, constantly disturbed the undergrowth, loaded the wrong gauge shot in the gun, used the wrong luring whistles and worst of all,” I bellowed, “she shot more turkeys than me!”

Those Ancestors!
The Taylor’s were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had travelled to America with the Pilgrim Fathers on the Mayflower. They had included Congressmen, successful entrepreneurs, famous sports people and television stars.
They decided to research and write a family history, something for their children and grandchildren. They found a specialist genealogist and writer to help them. Only one problem arose – how to handle Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor who was executed in the electric chair.

The writer said she could handle the story tactfully. When the book appeared the section about Jefferson read:

Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, he was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock.

Bottle of Gin
Juanita was driving home on Black Friday when she saw an elderly Apache woman walking along the side of the road outside Albuquerque, New Mexico. She stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a lift? With a silent nod, the woman climbed into the car. Juanita tried in vain to make conversation with the Apache woman.

The old Apache looked closely at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a red gift bag on the seat next to Juanita. “What’s in the bag?” asked the old woman. “It’s a bottle of gin that I got for my husband.”

The Apache woman was silent for another minute or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, “Good trade.”

Black Friday Wisecrack
Picture this, it was just after Thanksgiving, and the judge was in a happy mood. He asked the prisoner who was in the dock, “What are you charged with?”

The prisoner replied, “Judge, they said I was doing my Christmas shopping too early.”

“That’s no crime”, said the judge. “Just how early were you doing this shopping?”

“Ah, before the shop opened”, answered the prisoner.

…. Well my friends, allowing me into your day is always an honor. If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!”

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