Hail Mary Oops! #380 11/14/2017

“I’m sitting in the railway station. Got a ticket for my destination.”
Simon & Garfunkel Homeward Bound – 1966

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. A blog that rambles through this thing called life, stopping here and there for reflection, enlightenment, storytelling, and joke telling. All the while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s and early 70’s. Yep, Lost in The Sixties.

Ok, last weeks’ blog was more or less a disaster. My schedule was such that I went from plan A to plan B to scramble to Hail Mary which ultimately led to a letting a less than PG comment to get past me. My editor flagged it to be deleted but in my haste, I just plain overlooked it until too late. I must humbly apologize and try to not repeat my blunder. It is a fine line I tread at times to bring a little smile to the corner of your mouth as our personalities are so varied.

Scooters
When I went to Scooters today to write the blog, I noticed an old man sitting on a bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He told me, “I have a 22-year-old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.” I continued, “Well, then why are you crying?”

He added, “She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.” I said, “Well, why are you crying?” He said, “For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.” I inquired, “Well then, why in the world would you be crying?” He replied, “I can’t remember where I live.”

Old Memories
Two elderly people are living in a retirement home near Iowa City, he was a widower and she a widow, they had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big arena in the Clubhouse. The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, ‘Will you marry me?’ After about six seconds of ‘careful consideration,’ she answered ‘Yes. Yes, I will!’ The meal ended, and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. “Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’?” He couldn’t remember.

Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn’t remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No’?” He was delighted to hear her say, “Why, I said, ‘Yes, yes I will.’ and I meant it with all my heart.” Then she continued, “And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”

Yes, I am a Senior Citizen
• I’m the life of the party – even if it lasts until 8 pm.
• I’m very good at opening childproof caps – with a hammer.
• I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
• I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.
• I’m very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over…………..
• I’m not really grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things I can’t seem to remember right now.
• I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.
• I’m sure they are making adults much younger these days, and when did they let kids become policemen? And, how can my kids be older than I feel sometimes?
• I’m wondering, if you’re only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
• I’m a walking storeroom of facts – I’ve just lost the key to the storeroom door.
• Yes, I’m a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life.

A Tale of a Senior
As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to “make a difference” in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other seniors who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.

George is such a person. He told us, “I’ve often been asked, ‘What do you do now that you’re retired?’” “Well…I’m fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whisky into urine. It’s rewarding, uplifting, satisfying and fulfilling. I do it every day and I really enjoy it.” George should be an inspiration to us all.

The Supermarket
My current wife and I were shopping in our local Hy-Vee supermarket. I picked up a case of Budweiser beer and put it in our shopping cart. “What do you think you’re doing?” asks Sue (my current wife). “They’re on sale, only $20 for 24 cans I replied. “Put them back, we can’t afford them” she demands, and so off we go to continue our shopping. A few aisles further on along Sue picks up a $40 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

“Whoa, what do you think you’re doing?” I asked. “It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies my current (nearly formerly) wife. I retort: “So 24 cans of Bud makes you look beautiful and it’s half the price.” I never knew what hit me. The next thing I heard was on the supermarket PA system was: “Clean-up on aisle 7, we have a husband down.”

…. Well my friends, allowing me into your day is always an honor. If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!”

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