Boo! #378 10/31/2017

“Yeah, I’m not such a sweet thing, I wanna do everything. What a beautiful feelin’. Crimson and clover, over and over.” Tommy James & the Shondells – “Crimson and Clover” – 1968

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. A blog that rambles through this thing called life, stopping here and there for reflection, enlightenment, storytelling, and joke telling. In a caffeine induced coma from my favored French Roast coffee and quite possibly a chocolate chip cookie. All the while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s and early 70’s. Yep, Lost in The Sixties.

Yep, tonight is the hallowed night. The night where all sorts of spooky beings are out soliciting tricks but mostly treats. I think the Hotties on Hysteria Lane will be dispensing treats this year versus dispensing tricks as in previous years. It is too darn cold for them you know plus being another year older. Do you think back to the time of your youth? Come on fess up. I bet you did some pretty dumb things those years. I know I sure did. I will admit it, the statute of limitations has long expired.

Zombie pick up line
“Hey babe. Rigor mortis has set in…if you know what I mean” *winks and an eyeball falls out*

How to Grow Pumpkins
Farmer Smith was driving his tractor along the road with a trailer load of fertilizer. Alex, a little boy of nine, was playing ball in his yard; he saw the farmer and asked: “What’ve you got in your trailer?” “Manure,” farmer Smith replied. “What are you going to do with it?” asked Alex. “Puttin’ it on my pumpkins,” answered the farmer. Alex replied, “You ought to come and eat with us, we put ice-cream on our pumpkin pie.”

Tall Tale from Vienna Graveyard
Chris Cross, a tourist in Vienna, is going passed Vienna’s Zentralfriedhof graveyard on October 31st. All of a sudden, he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. Chris finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades Tim Burr, a friend, to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread, and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard’s caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. “Oh, it’s nothing to worry about” says the caretaker. “He’s just decomposing!”

Pillsbury Doughboy’s Obituary
Please join Will and Guy in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died in 2013 of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 73. Doughboy also known as Poppin’ Fresh was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects at his funeral, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies. Captain Crunch sent his apologies. The gravesite was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy in the graveyard and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who did not realize how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very ‘smart’ cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, even as a crusty old man, was considered a role model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Playa Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus, they have one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

The Ex
Albert Hammond was visiting the cemetery near Hamble in England and he couldn’t help noticing a man kneeling in front of a gravestone, clasping his hands and sobbing. Albert went a bit closer and could hear what the man was saying. “Why did you have to die?” he was repeating, “Why did you have to die?” Feeling he ought to do something to alleviate the man’s obvious distress, Albert laid his hand on his shoulder saying gently, “Was it someone you loved very much?” The man looked up at him and said, “No, I never met him, he was my wife’s first husband.”

Ghostly Happening
Sean and Wayne were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. When they were right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Catching their breath and trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. “Great grief, Mister,” said Sean, his voice quivering, “You scared us half to death. We thought you were a ghost! What on earth are you doing working here so late at night?” “Those fools,” the old chiseler grumbled, “they’ve misspelled my name.”

…. Well my friends, allowing me into your day has truly been my honor. If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!”

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