This & That #376 10/17/2017

“Try to remember the kind of September when life was slow and oh, so mellow.
Try to remember the kind of September when grass was green and grain was yellow.”
– The Brothers Four – “Try to Remember” – 1965

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. A blog that rambles through this thing called life, stopping here and there for reflection, enlightenment, storytelling, and joke telling. In a caffeine induced coma from my favored French Roast coffee and quite possibly a chocolate chip cookie. All the while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s and early 70’s. Yep, Lost in The Sixties.

Politicians
An Indian walked into a café with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: “Want coffee.” The waiter says, “Sure Chief. Coming right up.” He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter “Want Coffee.” The waiter says “Whoa, Tonto!!! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?” The Indian smiles and proudly says, “Training for position in United States Congress… Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for the rest of day.”

Burger King
A while ago I decided to treat myself to Burger King. I hadn’t had the greatest of days and I had a headache coming on again. The line was very long for some reason and I was at the end of it waiting patiently. Behind me comes this woman yapping on her cellphone with a little monster of a child.

The kid was out of control, screaming, punching his mother throwing around a Gameboy whenever something didn’t go right in the game. The mother didn’t seem to pay any attention to him. He yelled “I want a F**king PIE” over and over. After about 5 minutes in line with these people behind me, I had gone from a headache to a full-on migraine, but nothing was going to stop me from getting those burgers. I calmly turned and asked her nicely if she can please calm or quiet her child down. Immediately she gets up in my face telling me I can’t tell her nothing about raising her child and to mind my own business. I nodded and turned around. She’s still yelling at the back of my head when the child cries out again how he wants a pie. The mother consoled him, calling him sweetie and ensuring they’ll get pies for lunch because she loves him so much.

I waited another 5 minutes before finally getting to the front of the line. The slowdown was because they had a trainee on the cash register during the lunch hour rush. All I can think of is how the people behind me ruined my splurge giving me this headache. I decided to give a pay back and ruin their day.

I ordered every pie Burger King had left plus my burgers. Turned out to be 23 pies in total, I take my order and walk towards the exit. I hear the woman yelling, “what do you mean you don’t have any pies left, who bought them all?” I turned around to see the cashier pointing me out with the woman shooting me a death glare. I stood there, pulled out a pie and slowly started to eat it as I stared back at her. She started running towards me but can’t get me because of other lines between us. I turn and slowly walk away, eating the pie with a big smile on my face and my headache going away.

Are You Old?

• Old is when.. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
• Old is when.. A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
• Old is when.. Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
• Old is when.. You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
• Old is when.. Getting a little action means you don’t need to take any fiber today.
• Old is when.. Getting a little action means you don’t need to take any fiber today.
• Old is when.. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
• Old is when.. An “all nightery” means not getting up to use the bathroom.
• Old is when.. You’re not sure if these are jokes.

Facebook
I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles. Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom.

I give them picture of my family, my dog and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch and doing what anybody and everybody does every day. I also listen to their conversations, give them the “thumbs up” and tell them I like them.

And it works just like Facebook! I already have four people following me: two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.

…. Well my friends, allowing me into your day has truly been my honor. If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!”

Drivel Over Coffee is available on the internet at www.drivelovercoffee.com or www.dabailey.com. It can also be found on Facebook (search “drivel over coffee”). If you prefer to receive it via email, email to doycebailey@yahoo.com.