Road Trip #374 10/03/2017

“Oh, with you by my side this world can’t keep us down. Together we can make it baby from the poor side of town.” Poor Side of Town Johnny Rivers – 1966

The Drivel staff welcomes you to Drivel Over Coffee. A blog that rambles through this thing called life, stopping here and there for reflection, enlightenment, storytelling, and joke telling. In a caffeine induced coma from my favored French Roast coffee and quite possibly a chocolate chip cookie. All the while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s and early 70’s. Yep, Lost in The Sixties.

The Old Farts Coffee Klatch took the summer off from Jimmy’s Grill & Bait Shop. I know it seems strange when summer is for fishing but we are Old Farts for crying out loud. Anyway, everyone got together last Wednesday. Herbie showed up along with Spud, Billy Bob, and Red. Jimmy popped over occasionally. We were seated around our new table. Jimmy got rid of old faithful. He didn’t really have a choice since the one leg that Mustard replaced years ago finally rotted off. The Formica top was curling around the edges and it had a million burn marks from cigarettes. The chairs were the same though. We were all pumped-up what with the new table, our first fall meeting and all new stories to share. With the meet and greet over with we got down to serious coffee drinking, joking, storytelling and general BS’ing.

Spud piped up first with his most memorable experience of the summer. Spud loves French fries. He is partial to McDonalds’ fries but he also really likes Culvers. I think because he can also get an ice cream sundae to finish the meal off. It seems that Inez (his wife) and he were finishing lunch at Culvers waiting for his sundae to be delivered when nature sent an urgent SOS. Spud hurriedly headed to the bathroom with that classic knees pinched together prance. In he goes, settles into the stall with a sense of relief rising in his body having arrived just in time. Calmer and finished, he got up to leave but the stupid door wouldn’t open. Try as he could it wouldn’t open. Done with finesse, Spud resorted to force. Out of the stall Spud said he noticed that there something not right with this room. It had a second stall but no urinal in sight. Bells and whistles screamed through his head as he realized he was in the women’s restroom. Frantically looking all around him, he exited with the same sense of urgency as he displayed going in. Spud stated he sat down nonchalantly, ate his ice cream without a mention to Inez.

Road Trip
After picking myself up off the floor from laughing, I told of our (my current wife & my) road trip a couple of weeks ago. You see we went to Dyersville in northeast Iowa. It was a nice drive for early fall. The corn was standing tall ready for harvesting and the soybeans had pretty much matured and dropped their leaves. Both have been on my bucket list for a number of years. We took in a farm toy museum, the Field of Dreams and Breitbach’s Country Dining.

The museum had thousands of tractors of every size and associated equipment. I literally was like a kid in a candy shop. Tractors from my childhood were everywhere and memories flooded back. At about the 45-minute mark, however, I could sense someone was getting a bit anxious having seen more tractors than she ever wanted to. Frankly, my senses were about to explode also so it was time we left. I did stop at a store and bought a model of my favorite tractor, a Ford 8N tractor with a flare box wagon. Billy Bob asked if there were any sewer sucking machines there. Well, Billy Bob there weren’t but I saw many manure spreaders and honey wagons. They were cool.

The Audi headed off to the Field of Dreams. It was just like the movie. Duh, it was the movie location. We visited with the souvenir lady for quite some time, took the requisite pictures proving that we were indeed there. Next thing I know, my current wife is walking in the outfield toward the corn and disappears into it. How cool was that? Poof – gone. The corn was tall so she was completely enveloped by the stalks. I thought she was gone forever so I started walking to the car. I turned around to check one more time. Oops, out she comes just like in the movie. Cool. Well, not exactly because she wasn’t in the movie and didn’t have a uniform on.

Lunch at Breitbach’s Country Dining, one of the oldest restaurants in Iowa in Balltown, was okay but nothing to write home about. The scenery of northeast Iowa was beautiful from these hilltop highways to Balltown. Waiting for me at home was an email asking for my feedback. I panned the service, food quality, etc. That evening the owner called me. Uh Oh, goose is cooked I thought. Instead he wanted to send me a complimentary 2 meal voucher so that I would give them another try. Pretty cool. I will give them another try, I guess. He went above and beyond, very nice.

Nancy, Herbie’s wife, was pulled over for speeding according to Herbie on their vacation out East. A Pennsylvania State Trooper walked to the driver’s side window, flipping open his ticket book. Nancy quipped, “I bet you are going to try to sell me a ticket to the Pennsylvania Trooper’s Ball.” The trooper replied, “Pennsylvania State Troopers don’t have balls.” There was an awkward moment of silence. He closed his ticket book, tipped his hat, got back in his patrol car and left. Herbie said he was in the passenger seat roaring in laughter. Folks, you can’t make this stuff up.

Red and a woman who had never met before were both married to other people found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train trip. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they both were very tired and fell asleep quickly, Red in the upper bunk and she in the lower. Around 1 a.m., Red leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, “ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet and get me a second blanker? I’m awfully cold.” “I have a better idea,” she replied. “just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.” “Wow! That’s a great idea!” Red exclaimed. “good,” she replied. “get your own blanket.” After a moment of silence, Red farted.

…. Well my friends, allowing me into your day has truly been my honor. If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!”

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