The Single Life #372 9/19/2017

“If that’s the way it must be, OK I guess. I’ll go on home, it’s late. There’ll be tomorrow night, but wait—What do I see? Is she walking back to me? Yeah, she’s walking back to me Oh, oh, pretty woman.
Roy Orbison, “Pretty Woman” 1964

The Drivel staff welcomes you to Drivel Over Coffee. A blog that rambles through this thing called life, stopping here and there for reflection, enlightenment, storytelling, and joke telling. In a caffeine induced coma from my favored French Roast coffee and quite possibly a chocolate chip cookie. All the while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s and early 70’s. Yep, Lost in The Sixties.

The lyrics tell the story of a man who sees a pretty woman walking by. He yearns for her and wonders if, as beautiful as she is, she might be lonely like he is. At the last minute, she turns back and joins him. The title was inspired by Orbison’s wife, Claudette, interrupting a conversation to announce she was going out. When Orbison asked if she had enough cash, his co-writer Bill Dees interjected, “A pretty woman never needs any money.”

Reason to Be Single – A Guy

1. Cooking my own meals would be an adventure, not a punishment.
2. I wouldn’t have to explain why I’m wearing “that” shirt with “those” pants.
3. I could leave the toilet seat in any position I damn well please.
4. I could show my girlfriend where I live.
5. I would have saved $372,416.21 in groceries by now.
6. I wouldn’t catch so much grief about those skid-marks in my underwear!
7. I’d get to see what my paycheck looks like.
8. You can see a different face when you wake up in the morning, every day of the week!
9. I wouldn’t have a driving instructor grading me every time I go somewhere.
10. When asked his opinion, a single guy can say “Hell yes, you’re fat!”.

I have been to a lot of places in my life, but I have never been to Cahoots. Apparently, you cannot go alone. You need to be in Cahoots with someone. I have also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however been in Sane on my way to Cahoots. They don’t have an airport, you need to be driven there. I got there by flying in Cognito and from there was driven in Sane. Thanks to family and friends, I have been there several times already. I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump and I’m not much on physical activity. On a whim, my return in Cognito to fly home, I did sky dive where I jumped to Conclusions. Awesome!

Soon to be single
Here is a letter from a wife to her husband. “To my beloved husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip, I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately, not too bad and I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Walmart, when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car. I am so sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you, my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife.
P.S. Your girlfriend called for you.”

…. And Then
After her divorce, my friend looked for a man, trying to prove to herself she was still likable. She met a guy. It was winter. They went for a long walk. Then he said he was hungry. She beamed and thought they’d go to a restaurant. Another long walk, and then they approached an apartment building, where he said at one of the entrances, “Wait for me here, okay? I’ll go home, have a quick snack, and get back to you.”

I took a girl on a first date to a karaoke night. She chose to sing Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You,” and she sang it beautifully. It would have been fine if she hadn’t shouted out to the whole room before it started that she was dedicating the song to her ex-boyfriend.

Why do single girls take advice from other single girls? That’s like Ray Charles giving Stevie Wonder driving directions.

…. Well my friends, allowing me into your day has truly been my honor. If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!”

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