Memorial Day #358 5/30/2017

“But she’d her apron wrapped about her and I took her for a swan,
And it’s oh and alas it was she, Polly Von.” – Peter, Paul & Mary 1963

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. A blog that focuses on nothing really. Caffeine induced coma from French Roast coffee and quite possibly a chocolate chip cookie. All the while my brain reverberates with the best music in the world – The ‘60’s.

Yesterday was Memorial Day, the unofficial start of summer. Many people have a long weekend to enjoy the outdoors, take weekend trips, take on honey-do projects, cookout with family and friends but certainly we should take this extra special day to honor our military who gave up their lives so that you can enjoy your freedoms in the United State of America. Most often our fallen are just young men and women, entering the prime of their lives, to be married, have a family and career, and to prepare their off-spring for their ascension to adulthood. They gave their lives to protect you so that you can fulfill your destiny. Prayers today for our fallen:

Vietnam – 58,315
WWII – 405,399
Korean War – 36,516
WWI – 116,516
Iraq War– 3,836
Afghanistan War – 1,954
Gulf War – 149
The fallen in all other conflicts.
And those 426 veterans who die each day.

The “B”

My step-grandson, the “B” had his 7th birthday on Saturday. His day started with a homemade breakfast that included his favorite pancakes, bacon plus eggs, juice and cinnamon rolls. We fortunately were invited to attend. It was scrumptious as it always is when Sven & JB do the cooking. The “formal” party took place later in the afternoon at Happy Joes. The kids hit the game area and played hard. I believe I heard they had over 1,700 tickets by the end. The “B” unwrapped presents and the Happy Joe’s assistant led us in song and a toot of a horn. It was a great time had by all. My current wife and I discussed the event on our way home. Which, at one point, I asked who the guy was down a few chairs. Her response was so and so. I asked who that was, her reply was that he was the husband of “B’s” aunt. She is the twin sister of “B’s” mom who sat across from her husband. I drove along in stunned silence on the shoulder of the road until Sue punched me on the shoulder. That brought me out of my flabbergasted state of WOW. I know I will take a lot of heat but the ENTIRE night I thought it was his mother. OMG – Stomp on me to put me out of my misery!!!!!

The Salad Man

Sue and I were in the grocery store needing to purchase just a couple of things. I needed a bag of lettuce but there was a guy blocking access to the salad section. I waited patiently until moved. Once it was clear, I moved my cart into position and I began my surveying of the name brand and store brand bags of Romaine lettuce. Naturally, I look for the bag with the expiration date the furthest into the future. Without me realizing it, this guy circled around and came up on my right. He commenced to tell me about this name brand stuff on the top shelf that was a salad kit deal. He went on and on telling me all about it, plus there was a coupon right there for 75 cents off. I engage in the general discussion of lettuce and how Iceberg lettuce has no nutritional value. Varieties such as Romaine are so much better for you. I was informed by him that he doesn’t trust the cleanliness of the packaged lettuce and always triple washes it when he gets home.

Finally, I explained to this guy that I was about to pee my pants, so please excuse me. I didn’t really, but I couldn’t think of another rock-solid excuse. Phew, I entered the restroom for the sole purpose of making my excuse valid. I paused a moment to insure he didn’t follow me. I caught up with the current wife in Aisle 3. Here we encountered 2 old couples chatting. Their carts going each direction. Naturally, the items we needed in this aisle were just beyond them. We waited patiently for their chat to end and for them to move along but they didn’t seem to be in any hurry. Now, there were 3 carts coming toward us and one behind us, all waiting for these old people to get a clue. One lady was banging her Starbucks latte on the cup holder on her cart. A kid was screaming but they continued to chat. Finally, I went up to them and joined their chat. Both elderly couples gave me the evil eye but I continued to explain to them about aisle courtesy and how to park a shopping cart. Finally, they indignantly moved down the aisle freeing all of us to continue with our shopping. Oh, I did get quite the applause from my fellow shoppers. Quite an adventure just for orange juice and buns.

Hysteria Lane

I haven’t had much to relate vis-à-vis Hysteria Lane lately. It has been calm except for the major remodeling of the house 2 doors down the hill. Bobcats, air guns and cement trucks carrying on. It has been like 3 weeks now. Murphy and I enjoy watching the action from our backyard. Not sure what all is being done but it seems extensive. “H’s” son and family were here for Memorial Day from the Land of 10,000 lakes. Learned that one of her dogs has had quite the swelling of his face and eyes. Diagnosis is pending. Hope Bo gets well quickly.

Speaking of dogs, Murphy was in our front yard the other day with me. We were looking at our flowers. Apparently, I was more interested in the flowers than Murphy. Murphy instead decided it would be better to follow his nose around the front yard and sidewalk. Unbeknownst to me, a neighbor with 2 dachshunds came up our hill. Murphy, being the social animal he is, decided he should “greet” them as they came onto our property. I heard a commotion and looked up to my Murphy, the protector of our castle, circling the two dachshunds and their owner yipping all the while. The dachshund had circled the wagons and were firing back with their own yelps. Fortunately for Murphy he obeyed my commands uttered in my most blood curdling voice and met me at the door of the house. Once inside, I profusely apologized for Sheriff Murphy’s zealous protection of our castle. Murphy and I are now on the same page I think. Fingers crossed.

Ah, I almost forgot. A couple of weeks ago we had fire trucks and ambulance show up at a house across the street and down from us always. Naturally, the three of us watched intently out the front door. We could see a woman lying on the driveway and appeared motionless. The paramedics were attending her. We went about our business once we realized that there was absolutely nothing 2 old retired farts and a Boston Terrier could do. Subsequently we learned the lady was transported to the hospital. Hope all goes well.

Kinnick

Kinnick is a 12-year-old Yellow Labrador. He is one of my grand-dogs and my favorite big dog. He is beginning to show his age and slowing down a bit. He has all sorts of allergies and a touch of thyroid something or other. He loves to go for walks with JB and that is what they were doing yesterday when he began gasping. He has had a shortness of breath for some time but nothing this bad. She took him to the emergency vets. He has a condition which essentially cannot be fixed. He is fine if he remains calm and quiet. Easier said than done. Please keep him in your thoughts.

One Liners

• This was entitled “Epic One Liners”. You be the judge.
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
• Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
• Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
• God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
• You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.

Puns

How about one more list. The top 10 punniest jokes.

• Did you hear about the guy who had his left arm and leg amputated? He’s all right now.
• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
• I’m glad I know sign language: it comes in handy.
• I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
• A sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center says. “keep off the Grass.”
• I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
• If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.
• Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
• I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

Housekeeping

Next week’s issue of the Drivel Over Coffee will be the last one until June 27th. I am taking a break from all this business. My brain cells are now officially raspberry jello and if I don’t cool them down they will never set.

I do want to apologize to my faithful email readers. The pictures that I insert into the blog for clarification always seem to move out of place when they are ported to the email. Apparently, all this software is not intelligent enough to keep things in place without me inserting strings of html code which tells email to keep it here or there. One would think since I put it there, that is exactly where I want it to be. I am continually researching a way to correct this annoyance such that it interfaces with my software package. If I find it, I will be one happy camper.

I have not mentioned this in some time but it is worth repeating I feel. The content of my blog may be factual, made-up, a combination, borrowed or taking an item’s premise and rewriting into a Drivel format. I certainly do not pretend to know or even understand the English language. I don’t really know a dangling participle from one that is not dangling. For that reason, I employ an editor, my current wife. She nixes inappropriate material and corrects the mechanical things. I do over-ride her when I feel the vernacular, as imprecise as it may be, is important to the blog.

…. Well my friends, housekeeping is done and Hysteria lane is quiet at the moment and so another spell-binding issue of the Drivel is put to bed. If you look closer, it’s easy to trace the tracks of my tears. “If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, then my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!”

Drivel Over Coffee is available on the internet at www.drivelovercoffee.com or www.dabailey.com. It can also be found on Facebook (search “drivel over coffee”). If you prefer to receive it via email, email to doycebailey@yahoo.com.