A Guy Thing…..#352 4/18/2017

“When asked what would he do if he found $1 million, Yogi Berra responded, If the guy was poor, I’d give it back.” Yogi Berra Quotes

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee or whatever this is. A blog that focuses on nothing really. Originated out of the haze of French Roast coffee induced caffeine coma and possibly a chocolate chip cookie. Scratch the chocolate Chip cookie, I have over-dosed on chocolate bunnies. Wow, those suckers are REALLY good. Naturally, I blew my diet so bad, it was like a MOAB (Mother Of All Bad) had hit it.

Easter – The Epilog & Tax Day

Didn’t feel well on Friday. I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup. On Saturday, I took probably the biggest vowel movement ever. This weekend was busy, busy, busy. What with Easter Egg hunts all around; the Easter Bunny showing up; my NFD’s Birthday, Easter Dinner; and the late night oil burning as procrastinators busily dig through receipts, 1099’s, and try to find those elusive W-2’s we received in January. Did they get shredded? Thrown away? Filed away in the insurance folder? Brows are furrowed, sweat pouring off foreheads the home office becomes a literal disaster zone. Shoot, now where did the 1040 form go? File for an extension. Yes, that’s the answer. Wrong camper, it is too late to file an extension. Yep, this is the typical procrastinators milieu.

A Guy Thing

Heads Up Guys – Here is a relationship tip: When a woman says, “Correct me if I’m wrong but….” DON’T DO IT!! IT’S A TRAP!! Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT correct that woman!!

There were several guys in the locker room of the gym. I was in the process of changing my clothes when a cell phone laying on the bench down a ways rang. I picked it up, answered it, and put it on speaker phone. I began to talk. Everyone else in the room stopped to listen.

“Hello!” I said. “Hi Honey, it’s e. Are you at the club?” “Yes”, I replied. “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?” “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.” I said. “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.” She said. I asked, “How much?” She says, “$90,000.” I responded with a sigh, “Ok, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

She goes on, “Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.
Wiping my forehead, I responded, “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.” “Ok, I’ll see you later! I love you so much!’ “Bye! I love you, too.” I said and hung up. The guys in the locker room were staring at me in astonishment, mouths wide open. I turned and asked, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

10 Things People From Other States Say About Iowans That Are Actually True

Being an Iowan brings with it some unique challenges and pleasures. Here are ten things that people say about Iowans that are (we admit) actually true.

1. In July and August, Iowans get their side dish off the side of the road. Purchasing sweet corn from road-side stands is business-as-usual.

2. Iowans drive slow on country roads because we’re checking out the crops…knee high by the Fourth of July you know!

3. Iowans choose a “Pork Queen” every year. Not only is this socially acceptable, it’s a huge honor.

4. Iowans “hunt,” but it’s not what you think. Hunting Mushrooms is an actual thing, here. Morels are big deal here in Iowa, and if you are new to the pastime, good luck finding a spot that isn’t already claimed by a seasoned hunter.

5. Iowans know what “if you build it he will come” means. Is this heaven? No. It’s Iowa. The century-old Iowa farm where you can see the Field of Dreams for yourself is located at 28995 Lansing Road, Dyersville.

6. Iowans love bacon so much…. There’s a much-loved festival dedicated to its greatness. This year, the 4th Annual BACoonN RIDE happens on Saturday, June 17, 2017. The 72-mile ride starts and ends in Waukee and features a bacon-themed lunch, bacon stops, and an incredible ride along the Raccoon River Valley Trail.

7. Iowans know how to have an Adventure. In fact, Iowans that live near Des Moines might have a season pass to this fun Iowa-only amusement park. You’ll find Adventureland off exit 142A of I-80, along U.S. Highway 65, near Altoona.

8. Iowans are the most patient drivers in the world during harvest season. Traveling at 25 miles per hour behind a large piece of farm machinery in late summer is normal for Iowans. If you’ve lived here for long, you know that it’s important to leave early during harvest time.

9. Iowans eat Puppy Chow. No, it’s not dog food. It’s the amazingly chocolaty snack that brings many of us right back to our teenage years in Mom’s kitchen.

10. The somewhat typical Iowan sense of humor inspired an amazing tee-shirt shop called RAYGUN. You’ll find one of these fun, inspiring, and inside-joke-filled stores in Iowa City,  Cedar Rapids, and Des Moines. Also, there is a Kansas City location. But RAYGUN is an Iowa-based company.

…. And yes my friends, that is yet another issue of the Drivel. Ah, but I was so much older then; I’m younger than that now. As I usually say “If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, then my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!”