Misc…..#351 4/11/2017

“Hello darkness, my old friend I’ve come to talk with you again”
Simon & Garfunkel 1964

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee or whatever this is. A blog that focuses on nothing really. Originated out of the haze of French Roast coffee induced caffeine coma and possibly a chocolate chip cookie.

You may notice the picture on the left. This is my grand dog Barney. He would help me with the Drivel in our younger days. He was so much help to me. Barney and his brother, Max, stayed at our house following the 2008 flood and off and on after that. Barney is 13 now. We are best friends. I thought it time to give him a shout-out for all his help with the Drivel. He retired a couple of years ago from the Drivel staff but Murphy, my Boston Terrier, jumped in to try to fill the paws left by Barneys retirement.

The Kitchen

Remodeling for us usually begins with a knee jerk response to a small problem. We blindly let circumstances dictate the course of the remodel. Some may remember our bathroom remodel a few years ago that began simply with the replacement of a washer in the faucet at the bathroom sink. The washer replacement blossomed into a nearly complete bathroom remodel. The only thing was the bathtub/shower combination and its fixtures. I am endeavoring to get those replaced this spring.

It does appear that our kitchen maybe mossing down that same remodeling path. I have noticed that in addition to our faucet and range replacement that my current wife has begun eyeballing the refrigerators.

Step 1: Our kitchen faucet quit fauceting the week before last also. I had a lady from a plumbing company stop in to give me a bid on a shower and fixture replacement. I also had her look at my kitchen faucet. I turned it on the trickle of water. Previously I had cleaned the calcium buildup from it but didn’t fix my weak water flow. Murphy pees stronger than this faucet. Their plumber came out. He took apart my Menard’s Moen faucet. In the bowels of my faucet with bits and pieces of calcium, rubber washers, and plastic pieces. The chlorine had eaten the guts from my faucet. Had it replaced with an American made all metal faucet by the Wolverine Brass Co.

Step 2: Our glass top electric range went belly up the week before last. The left side burners refused to work. They let us know this by not warming up plus depositing a char black burned smudge under the dials on the back. Not a good sign. Could it be repaired? Probably, but it is Spring, we are feeling frisky and the range was not a spring chicken. Debby, the younger elder, lent her valuable expertise to our picking out of the new range. She has a gas range as does Jenny, the Iowa Elder. Prior to our shopping, we drew on her expertise also. It was no surprise that we decided upon a gas range. Long story short, it was installed last Thursday.

Step 3: Refrigerator, flooring, cabinets, countertop, breakfast bar, yada, yada, yada. Who knows what the next step will be. I have been putting off this project for many years since it is all original (41 years) except the appliances. I may have to take a big gulp, cross my fingers, and jump in with both feet and get it out of the way.

Iowa Small Towns

There is something very special about the small towns in Iowa. With their friendly atmospheres, low crime rates and charming Main Streets, you’re likely to count yourself as lucky if you had the opportunity to grow up in a small town here in Iowa. Here are 11 things only people from small town Iowa will understand.

1. Everyone knows everyone else.
2. Outside of your region, probably no one has ever heard of your town.
3. You consider cruising Main Street (aka, “scooping the loop”) a legitimate Friday night activity.
4. You had a lot of freedom growing up.
5. You’ve been to more church basement potluck dinners than you can count.
6. Smiling and waving at everyone is considered normal.
7. There’s not much to do, so you make your own fun.
8. Attending a party in a cornfield is a totally normal thing to do.
9. Friday night sporting events are a major social function.
10. Dreaming of getting out.
11. And then missing it like crazy if you do.

The Loin & The Dog

Growing up on a farm in Iowa made a huge impact on my personality for sure. My high school years among other things was consumed with athletics. I played football, ran track, baseball, basketball and fast-pitch softball. The softball playing carried on through the mid 80’s. I played while in the Air Force in the states as well in Vietnam. I became known for the need to consume a hot dog before each game. I carry on with this even today as a spectator. I develop a fondness for the breaded tenderloin sandwich which, I think, is unique to Iowa. Now, here is another list of 10 restaurants that serve the Best Pork Tenderloins in Iowa. These are on my list to visit this year. How many have you been to?

1. Nick’s, Des Moines, IA. (2016 Pork Producers’ Best Tenderloin winner.)
2. Belmond Drive-In, Belmond, IA. (2015 Pork Producers’ Best Tenderloin winner.)
3. The Lucky Pig Pub & Grill, Ogden, IA. (2014 Pork Producers’ Best Tenderloin winner.)
4. River Rock Café, Mt. Pleasant, IA. (2013 Pork Producers’ Best Tenderloin winner.)
5. Breitbach’s Country Dining, Balltown, IA. (2012 Pork Producers’ Best Tenderloin winner.)
6. Gramma’s Kitchen, Walcott, IA. (2011 Pork Producers’ Best Tenderloin winner.)
7. Goldie’s Ice Cream Shoppe, Prairie City, IA. (2009 Pork Producers’ Best Tenderloin winner.)
8. Augusta Restaurant, Oxford, IA. (2008 Pork Producers’ Best Tenderloin winner.)
9. Larsen’s Pub, Elk Horn, IA. (2007 Pork Producers’ Best Tenderloin winner.)
10. The Town House Supper Club, Cedar Falls, IA. (2006 Pork Producers’ Best Tenderloin winner.)
11. Dairy Sweet, Dunlap, IA, (2005 Pork Producers’ Best Tenderloin winner. Under new management.)

Roscoe

Readers’ of the Drivel from day 1 may remember a mention or two of Roscoe. I had always heard stories from my Grandpa about Roscoe and assumed them to be fictious. My Grandpa was a story teller, a prankster, an arguer, and all around fun guy to know. I have been working on my family tree off and on for years but lately I have been spending more time with it. A while back I stumbled across an ancestor by the name of Roscoe Earl Boyd. As it turns out Roscoe, was Grandpa’s uncle by marriage. He lived – who knew. Now I am desperately trying to remember those stories. Were they true? Was I too stupid to realize it? Every day I amaze myself with just how thick headed I am and there is no cure.

This and That

Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.

I dunno…. Shaving your eyebrows off and painting them back on seems like a lot of effort just to look insane.

I had a personal trainer show me some exercises to do and a suggested routine. It was free so I went with the flow. The trainer is a friend of my current wife. Naturally, as we worked on the machines, there was time to chit chat. Ok, gossip. She told me a story about Sue, my current wife. If I remember correctly, it went something like this.

Sue: (sobbing her heart out, eyes swollen, nose red) … I can’t see you anymore… I am not going to let you hurt me like this again!

Trainer: It was a sit up. You did ONE sit up.

My personal trainer suggested that I load this app on my cell phone. She told me it is great for recording what I eat, the calories etc. I downloaded the app and got it installed. So, I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app on my cell phone. It sent an ambulance to my house. Oh, my!!!

Thought to Ponder: If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman there to hear… is he still wrong?

Saturday, I went to a new breakfast spot. The menu was interesting. It has several dishes that I had not seen at my old haunt. The waitress sauntered over. She asked, “What will it be honey?” Have you noticed that the waitresses these days are all so friendly. I have been referred to as Honey, Sweetie, Sweet heart and others that I don’t recall at the moment.

Anyway, I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. Cripes, I thought I was her Honey! Next to me was an old lady. I asked her if she saw that waitress slap me? The old woman said, “Yes, I saw that. It’s pronounced ‘quiche’, dear.” My bad!

Okay, here is a poser for all you smart-alecs. We have all heard about the chicken and egg and who came first. We have heard about why the chicken crossed the road. But, what do you get if you cross a highway with a fridge? Answer – Killed.

The Banana Test

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals, a Lion, a Chimpanzee, a Giraffe, and a Squirrel, who pass by. They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree. Who do you guess will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality. So think carefully… Try and answer within 30 seconds…

Got your answer?

If your answer is:
Lion = you’re dull.
Chimpanzee = you’re a moron.
Giraffe = you’re a complete idiot.
Squirrel = you’re just hopelessly stupid.

A COCONUT TREE DOESN’T HAVE BANANAS!!!

Obviously you’re stressed and overworked. You should take some time off and relax! Try again next year. Yeah, I fell for it too!

…. And that, my friends, is yet another issue of the Drivel. Ah, but I was so much older then; I’m younger than that now. As I usually say “If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, then my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!”

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