Batting 350….#350 4/4/2017

“In the chilly hours and minutes of uncertainty,
I want to be in the warm hold of your loving mind.”
written and recorded by Donovan 1965

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee or whatever this is. A blog that focuses on nothing really. Originated out of the haze of French Roast coffee induced caffeine coma.

Batting 350
What does the baseball batting average have to do with the Drivel this week? Only the coincidence in the number. This is our 350th issue. Each of you should get an award for hanging in there and reading this every week. Okay how about this? Give each other a big pat on the back. There you go doesn’t that feel better. (Cough)…my sentimental side got me choked up for a moment. Early on I had an ongoing battle with our Solid Waste Agency and their arcane rules. I described the ‘Eteverp’ canasta card club and the gals flirtation with owning a casino in Vermont. We spent quite a lot of time and issues with the Grandpaw Bailey’s Doggie Fitness Center and Spa. Complete with Yvette, Billie Bob, Lady Godiva, Wendy, Olga, Sparkle, Miranda, Flex and Tanisa. All staff and business partners. Who can forget Hysteria Lane the Hotties on said lane.

Where a blog is really about nothing goes from here nobody knows, especially me. Stay tuned and check out the future renderings.

Herbie is at home watching a football game when his wife, Nancy, interrupts him. “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.” He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have a GE logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

“Fine.” Then Nancy asks, “Well then could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right.” To which Herbie replied, “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have ‘Westinghouse’ written on my forehead? I don’t think so.” “Fine,” she says. “Then at least you could fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break.” “I’m not a carpenter and I don’t want to fix steps,” he says. “Does it look like I have ‘Ace Hardware’ written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to Jimmy’s Grill & Bait Shop!”

So, he goes to Jimmy’s, meets with Spud and Charles (not his real name). Herbie drinks some Blatz. Charles and Spud are sipping some 2-day old French Roast. A couple of hours go by. Herbie starts feeling guilty about how he treated Nancy, and decides to go home. He walks into the house he notices that the steps are fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. He goes into the kitchen, grabs a beer and notices the fridge door is fixed. “Honey,” he asks, “how did all this get fixed?”

“Ah well, when you left I sat outside and cried. That nice young man that lives down the street on the other side asked me what was wrong, so I told him. He offered to do all the repairs. Smiling, he said all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.” Herbie asked, “So what kind of cake did you bake him?” Nancy replied, “Helloooo, do you see ‘Betty Crocker’ written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

I am not saying I am Superman but we have never been seen in the room together.

I’ll Get It

Did you hear about the three elderly ladies who were discussing the trials of getting older? One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.” The second lady chimed in, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down. ” The third one responded, “Well, I’m glad I don’t have that problem; knock on wood,” she raps her knuckles on the table, then says, “That must be the door, I’ll get it.”

Immutable Laws…

1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

2. Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

3. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

4. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

5. Law of Bio-mechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

6. Law of the Theaters & Sports Arenas – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

7. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

8. Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.

9. Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet!

10. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

Why You Need To Own A Potato Ricer

A potato ricer is a kitchen tool that’s been around at least since the beginning of the last century, with various improvements being patented in 1909, 1939, and 1946. It’s a simple, two-handled kitchen tool, joined by a hinge, with a plunger on one handle, and a perforated receptacle on the other. The plunger fits into the perforated receptacle, and when the handles are squeezed together, it forces whatever food you put into it through a series of small holes.

First and foremost, a ricer is for potatoes. If you’ve ever used a ricer you would most likely agree: you don’t know how you ever made mashed potatoes without one. The reason mashed potatoes made with a ricer are so good is all about the mixing. Mashed potatoes benefit from as little mixing and agitation as possible. Over-mashing or over-mixing results in the development of gelatinized starches which are released from the potato cells, and bind together into something most often compared to glue or wallpaper paste. People tend to combat gluey mashed potatoes with more mixing and greater additions of fat and dairy, but this usually just makes things worse.

The ricer, however, is gentler on the potatoes, providing an even mash, and preserving more of the integrity of the swollen starch cells, without as much of the stirring and mixing as other methods. posted in Iowa March 26, 2017 by Rachel Flynn. That my friends is why I have a ricer.

Things You Quickly Realize When You Move To Iowa

Are you new here? People who move to Iowa find some things about how we live, the area we live in, and who we are surprising. Here are some things you quickly realize when you move to Iowa.

1. The Iowa Pork Tenderloin sandwich is giant. When newcomers see it for the first time, they are often surprised at its size. Native Iowans understand that the bun is simply a garnish.

2. Iowa may be landlocked, but it’s still a great place to enjoy the water. Iowa has 65 lakes. Residents of this great state enjoy jet skiing at Okoboji, sailing at Clear Lake, and fishing at Lake Macbride. In spite of the fact that we don’t have easy access to the ocean, we still have plenty of fun on the water.

3. The sculpted cow is made of butter and it’s life-sized. Yep, we sculpt butter like others sculpt stone.

4. Sunsets – Iowans understand how important it is to stop and look at each and every amazing midwestern sunset. Gorgeous sunsets may happen pretty often around here, but we never get tired of them.

5. When it comes to honoring our alma mater, Iowans go all out. Among us are Cyclones, Hawkeyes, and Panthers. No matter what year we graduated, we’re happy to tell you about the Iowa college we love so well.

6. Fareway is kind of a big deal. The first Fareway grocery store opened in Boone, Iowa in 1938. This popular store is still a staple in many small Iowa towns. There are 107 Fareway stores throughout the Midwest. Their reputation for no-nonsense shopping, helping teenagers get their first real job, and offering as many pumpkins as a community may need each October holds strong.

7. Iowa is an agriculture state. You don’t have to drive far out of any Iowa town to see corn and soybean fields. There are actually more pigs in Iowa than people. Last year, we harvested 13.9 million acres of corn.

8. Iowans know something about the future. The famous captain of the Starship Enterprise, James T. Kirk, will be born on March 22, 2228 in Riverside, Iowa. You may remember him from the series Star Trek. The monument was erected in 1968, after Steve Miller, a Riverside councilman, read the book Making of Star Trek by Gene Roddenberry. In the book, the author identifies Captain Kirk’s birthplace and time.

9. Ashton Kutcher grew up in Cedar Rapids. He’s not the only famous Iowan. John Wayne, Johnny Carson, Cloris Leachman, William Shatner, Donna Reed, Brandon Routh, Elijah Wood, Jerry Mathers are just a few of the other well-known celebrities that call Iowa home.

10. Iowans are highly educated. Home of the first radio and the first computer, Iowa boasts more than a few amazing inventions. Iowans have the highest literacy rate in the nation, which probably helps us come up with great ideas like the trampoline, Eskimo pies, and hybrid corn.

11. The presidential election begins in Iowa. Iowa is one of the first states that has the chance to show support for presidential candidates. The Des Moines Register endorses a candidate, and the world watches closely. Presidential hopefuls spend months touring this state having pie and coffee in small towns to win the approval of Iowa’s residents.

12. Iowans like dessert fried. Fried candy bars are a big deal at county fairs, and a bigger deal at the Iowa State Fair. They are every bit as gooey and messy as you’d imagine. Iowans are innovative with food. Among other heart-stopping fried food, you’ll find fried butter-on-a-stick, fried Oreo cookies, and fried Twinkies. We have savory treats, too. Our fried mac and cheese with bacon bits and sour cream racks up a mere 1,800 calorie count.

…. And that, my friends, is yet another issue of the Drivel. Ah, but I was so much older then; I’m younger than that now. As I usually say “If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, then my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!”