Aisle 4 #346 3/7/2017

“Pulled into Nazareth, was feeling ’bout half past dead
I just need some place where I can lay my head.” The Weight by The Band

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee or whatever this is. Spring is upon us thankfully. This morning on my way to the coffee shop, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press one?” So I did. I don’t remember much after that. Finally came to when someone poured a coffee latte of some kind on my face. Evidently, I had been extracted from the elevator and deposited at the coffee shop’s door. Maybe the busty woman? Don’t know. One dark earthy French Roast down the hatch and I’m good to go now.

Sad news this weekend. A friend of mine, Charles, not his real name, lost his brother suddenly. Our hearts and prayers go out to him, his wife and all of the family in this most trying time.

An Arm Or A Leg
I am sitting here pondering what this issue will be about. I have headphones on playing my 60’s tunes to set the mood but as I sit here I have begun to wonder where the names for objects we take for granted came from. Take a persons arms. What ancestor was the first one to say the word “arm” to refer to our upper appendages? Was it Smartus Absessius? Or Franz Glibbiur? My research didn’t produce a name but you and I know there was a point in time that someone said to a friend, “Shoot, I broke my “arm”. The friend naturally replies, “You broke what?” My arm, and points to “upper limb of the human body,” They could have just as easily pointed and said “Leg”. Then where would be today? Would our feet be on the ends of our arms? Hands and fingers on our legs?
An etymology search revealed bef. 900; Middle English; Old English earm; cognate with Gothic arms, Old Norse armr, Old Frisian erm, Dutch, Old Saxon, Old High German arm (German Arm) arm; Latin armus, Serbo-Croatian rȁme, rȁmo shoulder; akin to Sanskrit īrmá, Avestan arəma-, Old Prussian irmo arm; not akin to Latin arma arm. You probably remember Chaucer writing “They wenten arme in arme yfere into the gardyn.” in the Canterbury Tales. From this it was obviously sometime after Chaucer that the current “arm” became standardized but when and by whom?

Nuisance in Aisle 4
Sorry I got off on a tangent. I focused on the word “Arm” but I pondered the beginnings of thousands of names and who made their first utterances. I, unfortunately, knew who uttered the phrase “That is a good one, I’ve had it before.” It was an elderly lady at the Hy-Vee grocery store in Aisle 4. I was looking over a selection of microwave meals when she volunteered that advise. Not just once or twice but three times. I would pick one up, read it, and she would offer her opinion. I tried to ignore her but she had grabbed my cart preventing me from moving. I finally put an item she seemed to agree with in my cart only to be rid of her. Have you ever seen a shopping cart lay rubber going down an aisle? I have and it was me getting away from her.

At the register another experience was waiting for me. I went down to the last checkout that was open. It had the shortest line. I got behind a person in a motorized cart and an elderly man who had a couple of items. We move forward enough so that I could empty my cart onto the conveyor. I set the last item on when the clerk let out with one of the loudest most disgusting coughs I have ever heard. Instantly I realized that I was trapped. There were carts behind me, my groceries were on the conveyor. I am doomed. What the incubation time is for her ailment I don’t know but I may be unavailable next week.

Dining Out
Last Saturday my current wife and I frequented the Texas Roadhouse Steak Shop courtesy of NFD and NFIL. It was yummy. Now I have been to this place a zillion times usually leaving less than impressed with the steak I was presented with. It most likely will be about ¼ in thick, fatty and gristly, about 3 inches across and charred to a crisp. Last night I ordered the 16 oz. cowboy cut steak. FANTASTIC. It was what a steak should be – about an inch or more thick, juicy, tender and with a great flavor. Naturally, I ordered it with a to-go box because I knew I would never be able to eat it all. I ended up taking home more than half of it but seriously this is the steak to get there.

Jimmy was there as it turns out. Jimmy, owner of Jimmy’s Grill & Bait Shop, is running for mayor of our city. He occupied 4 tables. They were all pulled together. I would guess this was a fund raiser judging by the attire of the guests. I heard Jimmy at one point tell about a pregnant woman who goes into a deep sleep after giving birth. Asleep for nearly 2 days, she woke up and asked the doctor: “How is my baby?” “Ma’am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them.” The woman thinks to herself, “Oh no, not my brother, he’s an idiot!”. Expecting the worst, she asked the doctor: “Well, what’s the girl’s name?” “Denise”, the doctor replies. The new mother thinks: “Wow, that’s not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!”. Then she asked the doctor: “What’s the boy’s name?” DeNephew…

…. And that, my friends, is yet another issue of the Drivel. As I always say “If I can make at least one-person smile, laugh till they leak, or maybe spit out a drink, then my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!”