Be Resolved #338 – 1/10/2017

New dreams, new hopes, new experiences and new joys:
wishing my friends a very Happy New Year.

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. Readers are esteemed members of a group who proudly dribble French Roast coffee down their shirt while Driveling about our fate in life with just a touch of opining thrown in for good measure. Sometimes our view of life becomes slightly skewed while looking through dog licked glasses.

Be Resolved

Like millions of individuals around the world, I make my annual list of resolutions for 2017. How many will endure the year? Probably a few. Many will crash to earth before they really take root. So, let me go on record and list my 2017 resolutions.

  • Let it be resolved that I will not make love to Victoria Secret models this year.
  • Let it be resolved that I will incorporate “I don’t roll that way” into at least one conversation a week.
  • Let it be resolved that I will wear jeans that allow my buttocks the space they need.
  • Let it be resolved that donuts are good for me.
  • Let it be resolved I will no longer cause global warming single handedly.
  • Let it be resolved that I will trim my nose and ear hairs.
  • Let it be resolved that I will save water by not bathing.
  • Let it be resolved that I will use more deodorant and wash my clothes much less often.
  • Let it be resolved that I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly…..
  • Let it be resolved that I will try to figure out why I “really” need nine e-mail addresses.
  • Let it be resolved that I will always “check for paper” when leaving the restroom.
  • Let it be resolved that I will NOT take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  • Let it be resolved that I will “ponder my navel” once a week usually on Tuesday.
  • Let it be resolved that I will stop saying, “Ooh, that feels nice” whenever the security guys frisk me at airports.

This New Year’s Resolution business is fine but what do I do now. Someone asked me that very question the other day. My response was, to say the least, surprising. I explained that I was going home and contemplate my navel. My friend laughed and laughed. He thought I was joking but oh no monsieur, it was no joke. Take a gander at a few of these navel-gazing observations and see what you think. BTW, I save the lint from my navel. I am hoping to knit a sweater if I live long enough.

Navel Gazing or Pondering one’s navel Observations

Omphaloskepsis or navel-gazing is contemplation of one’s navel as an aid to meditation. The word comes from Greek omphalos (navel) + skepsis (act of looking, examination). Actual use of the practice as an aid to contemplation of basic principles of the cosmos and human nature is found in the practice of yoga of Hinduism and sometimes in the Eastern Orthodox Church. Some consider the navel to be “a powerful chakra of the body”. That is my navel for sure.

  • Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year…I’m not meaning to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?
  • Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  • If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
  • I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
  • When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body…men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
  • Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
  • America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
  • You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.
  • Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
  • My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance…Well! We’ll see about that.
  • I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
  • I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
  • Money talks … but all mine ever says is good-bye.
  • You’re not fat, you’re just… You’re just easier to see.

“It’s not that I can and others can’t, it’s I did and others didn’t.” Remember your Vietnam Veterans – All gave some, some gave all!! Not everyone who lost his life in Vietnam died there, not everyone who came home from Vietnam ever left there.

If I can make at least one-person smile, or laugh till they leak, then my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!