The Aftermath #334 – 11/29/2016

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”    John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Welcome to Drivel Over Coffee. You are reading a blog that has become a reading must. Loyal readers are esteemed members of a group who proudly dribble our French Roast down our shirt while Driveling about our fate in life with a touch of opining. Sometimes our view of life becomes slightly skewed while looking through dog licked glasses.

Well, I’m glad that is over. Yes, I’m talking about Thanksgiving. Our family does an every other year thingie. One year it is at our house; the next year at my brothers. It was his turn to be the host this year. There were 18 hungry souls to feed. My sister-in-law, bless her heart, prepared the meal despite just having had her knee replaced. She did a great job. Oh, she had some help from her daughters and my brother. The meal was full of the variety you would suspect. There was 2 turkeys – one smoked and one au naturel, dressing, potatoes, gravy, pies, veggie tray, mac & cheese, and our “famous” creamed peas. Yep, creamed peas. When was the last time you have had creamed peas? They are very good as far as peas go. The peas were my suggestion I must admit.

We drove to their house on Thursday morning. We returned mid-afternoon so the dogs could get fed. That is a real bummer. Just not enough time to spend with everyone. About the time you get the “hi’s”, how are the kids, how you feeling, out of the way and eat it is time to leave. Maybe a good thing seeing as though we didn’t have time to get on everyone’s nerves. My brother brought out his bull horn to call us to the table. We had one trivia question – How many turkeys are consumed on Thanksgiving in the US? I wasn’t close. The winner went first through the buffet. I ate and ate and ate some more. I bloated up like a blimp and was supremely sated. I was asked for my tofu recipe by several people. Yes – tofu. Preparation is really simple. First, I take the tofu in one hand and throw it in the trash; second, grill some meat. My current wife and I were seated at the Seenager. (Senior teenager) over 59 and up table. This reminded me of the “kids” when I was a little kid. Those younger were in another room. By the sounds I heard, they had a great time, laughing, giggling, loud voices and carrying on. Sadly, it has come to me that my fun times have pasted me by. I don’t think retiring is what it is made out to be.

At home that night I just had a salad for dinner. It was mostly croutons & tomatoes. Actually, it was just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. OK, FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza. Can you believe it? Afterward, I caught up on Facebook. I read a recent study that has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. Nice to know.

Raise your hand if you did the “Black Friday” shopping thing. Yep, me neither. I was recovering from my overeating hangover. Plus my “Black Friday” consisted of a visit to my primary care physician. I got the lab work done. Fortunately, they were able to find a vein on the first go. I waited for the results. He called me in. Doc accused me of over-indulging on Thanksgiving at which I vehemently protested albeit lying. He went over my lab results. Pausing for a moment to break the news to me about my blood work, he stated my blood type is now cranberry. Oops, busted!!!!!

Having discovered my age group as being a Seenager. (Senior teenager), I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50-60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car for now anyway. I have an ID that gets me into bars and the wine store. I like the wine store best. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren’t scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared? And I don’t have acne. Life is Good! Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager.

Seenag1448058755653-c5ers, a recent study published by Alfred E. Newmann in the prestigious Mad magazine have found the brains of older people are slow because they know so much. Further, people do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains. Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear. Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise. SO THERE!! I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.

Have you noticed, when shopping at the grocery store, invariably you will encounter a couple of women blocking an aisle. It happened to me on Saturday. I waited patiently as a woman who suspected her husband of cheating relate to her friend how concocted a clever plan to see if her suspicions were true.

One day, her husband, Bob, called her to let her know that his boss had asked him to come on a fishing trip in Canada with some friends. Bob told her that he thought it would be a great move for his career and that he thought he should go.

She agreed to let him go, so he asked her to pack a bag as they were leaving the office and heading out from there. He specifically asked her to pack his new blue silk pajamas. It was at this point I decided I probably should break this story telling up but when she mentioned the blue silk pajamas my curiosity got me. To the heck with the other people lining the aisle behind me.

She knew something was odd about the trip and about Bob’s request, but she packed everything that he asked for and had it ready for him to come pick up before leaving on the trip. After being gone for a week, the Bob returned home and she asked if he had a good time and if he caught any fish. “You bet we did! We caught pike and walleye – tons of fish!” he told her. “We spent all day out on the lake and had fish every night for dinner. It was fantastic.” Bob then mentioned that she forgot one little thing. “You forgot to pack my pajamas like I asked, though,” he said. “No I didn’t,” she replie. “I put them in your fishing box.” Bazinga! She got him right in the creel.

I had the opportunity to have coffee with Charles, not his real name, on Sunday. It is always fun visiting with him because we get a chance to tell outrageous stories of one kind or other and no one will take issue with them. He told me about a visit to a mental asylum. Now Charles is a curious guy so it was natural for him to ask the director, “How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?” “Well,” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said Charles. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.” “No.” replied the director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?” His wife happened to be by his side. Hearing he was being offered a room at the inn, she went into ultimate protective spouse mode. The director fled to the safety of his office with his hands over his ears. Charles, restraining his spouse, were able to make their way out of the building. Pretty scary I think.

That doesn’t hold a candle to the potential deadly threat from germs and bacteria on things we don’t usually think of being contaminated. I heard a report of several lotion manufacturers selling products that contain aloe vera. Tests have found that 3 products did not have a trace aloe vera. That would be a lie on the product label simply to increase sales. Everywhere you go hand sanitizer is available; grocery stores, bathrooms, restaurants, and etc. But how sanitary are your paper plates and paper cups, plastic dinnerware? If you are like me, I think these items may not be sanitary. We pile food and drink in them. Next we ladle the food into our mouth with the plastic ware. Do you know if the production process is sanitary? Take the biggest potential contaminator – plastic storage bags. How many of us stored left-over Thanksgiving food in a Ziplock bag? Do we have any assurance that the inside of the bag is anywhere clean and safe to come in contact with food? I don’t know. Food for thought.

I know you enjoy lists of one kind or another so try these on for siz1470174_739148139432749_1915232901_ne.

  • Why do some supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
  • Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?
    Why do banks leave vault doors open, and then chain the pens to the counters?
  • Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways, and put our useless junk in the garage?

EVER WONDER…

  • Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
  • Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
  • Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
  • Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
  • Why is it that doctors and attorneys call what they do ‘practice’?
  • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  • Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
  • Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
  • Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
  • Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
  • You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
  • Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
  • Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Signs seen in Seattle

  • Frog Parking Only – All Others Will Be Toad!
  • Ants Are Healthy Because They Have Little Anti-Bodies.
  • Is There Ever A Day That Mattresses Are Not On Sale?
  • What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice?
  • I Was Addicted To The Hokey Pokey But I Turned Myself Around!
  • Went To The Air & Space Museum But There Was Nothing There!
  • Hold The Door Open For A Clown; It’s A Nice Jester!
  • The Second Mouse Gets The Cheese.
  • My Reality Check Bounced.
  • If Pride Comes Before A Fall; Humility Should Come By Winter.
  • All Those Who Believe In Psychokinesis Raise My Hand.
  • Between Two Evils I Always Pick The One I’ve Never Tried.
  • The First 5 Days After The Weekend Are The Hardest!
  • Ban Pre-Shredded Cheese; Make America Grate Again!

“It’s not that I can and others can’t, it’s I did and others didn’t.” Remember your Vietnam Veterans – All gave some, some gave all!! Not everyone who lost his life in Vietnam died there, not everyone who came home from Vietnam ever left there.

If I can make at least one-person smile, or laugh till they leak, then my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!