Dreaming of my Chevy and my old blue jeans. The Beach Boys (Crocodile Rock)
Welcome everyone to Drivel Over Coffee, the blog; musings, memories and whatnot infused with the earthy aroma of French Roast Coffee with a dose of rant mixed in on occasion. My blog is my take on “Life As Seen Through Dog Licked Glasses.”
I think I have recovered from the busy weekend the weekend before last. Still have an inward glow having family around once more. Sunday evening seemed to be a good evening to grill steaks and garlic bread. We had a couple of steaks in the freezer. I stopped into the local Hy-Vee on Saturday the 13th, got my garlic bread plus a few other necessities. My current wife got the grill going, she cut up some potatoes, wrapped them in foil and put them on. Later she put the steaks on. I took over while she brought out the garlic bread. Tongs in hand, I grabbed the first piece. Yuk, MOLD!!!! We inspected each of the other slices – all moldy. Like I said, I purchased this on Saturday the 13th. Plainly stated on the package was a best if used by the Friday 12th . What company in their right mind would sell bakery products a day after they expired? I could excuse this oversight had it been the first time. However, this has become a pattern with this store. Going on for 3 or 4 months now, I have complained to management about their produce department, their dairy department and their deli. Sure I see some improvement now and again but not consistently. For instance, the day I bought the garlic bread, I wanted a fresh pineapple. They were about 15 seconds from spoiling so I passed. Monday, I returned the product with receipt and talked to the Customer Service Manager. Of course, my money was refunded immediately but that wasn’t the point and she knew it. I had her promise to have the store manager call me. She apologized profusely as I explained that this has been a pattern and that my 30+ years as customer there has now come to an end. We shall see what the next step is.
Musings – I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing…. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up to begin with.
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to playing cards a few times a week. One day when playing cards, one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me. I know we’ve been friends a long time, but I just can’t think of your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.” Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”
Well, recycling seems to be going bust. At least in Cedar Rapids. The recyclers claim there is no market anymore. More likely the story is there is no market willing to pay what they are asking. That is probably more to the point. As usual the individuals like those on Hysteria Lane are stuck. Where do our paper and plastics go? In the regular trash I suppose. This creates some conundrums. Our current Garby will not be large enough to hold the trash PLUS what used to be recycled. We all will have a blue Curby sitting around doing nothing. Will the city pick them up? What will the city do with them? I say we export the recyclables to Mexico.
AT THE BAR THE OTHER NIGHT – An elderly looking gentleman, (mid-nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well-looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady. The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, “So tell me, do I come here often?”
THE RETIREMENT HOME – I was out walking one day and went by a retirement home. As I passed the front lawn, I saw nine old ladies basking in the sun in lounge chairs. When I looked closer I realized that they were all stark naked. Yes, nude as nude can be. After a bit, I went to the door and rang the bell. When the director answered the door, I asked if he realized there were nine naked old ladies lying in the sun on the front lawn. The director said, “Why, yes” and went on to explain that the old ladies were all retired prostitutes living at the retirement home, and they were having a yard sale. No, I didn’t buy anything.
Memories – She’s so fine, my 409; Surfin’ Safari; Good Vibrations and
on and on. What a night last Friday night in Cedar Rapids. My girls treated my current wife and me to the Temptations and Beach Boys Concert last Friday night. OMG – I was transported back to my teens and twenties instantly. I closed my eyes and could still vividly recall their concert at the Val Aire ballroom in Des Moines. I believe the year was 1963 and I was a junior in high school. Four or five of my friends were able to get in. The place was packed. All the tables and chairs had been removed, it was SRO only. This was at a time in the Beach Boys life where they were wearing the striped shirts. About all they had were their guitars, amps and speakers. Not very fancy but their music was magical. I desperately wanted to be a part of this musical revolution.
Spin forward to Friday night 2016 53 years later and they are still going and I am still going. Mike Love and Bruce Johnston were the only originals but wow what a show they can still put on. I found myself, in an advanced state of decay, singing, dancing and swaying to the music. Actually, at one time doing the Watusi, I collided with a lady doing the Hokey Pokey. I know not really surfin’ steps but it was all good. I am committed to living this nostalgia thing until the end. Those were the greatest times in my life. Well, these kiddoes of mine are special too. Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray, it might come true. Baby, then there wouldn’t be a single thing we wouldn’t do……. The Beach Boys “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” The brother’s – Brian, Carl(deceased) and Dennis Wilson(deceased), cousin Mike Love, best friend Al Jardine and friend Bruce Johnston – Love these guys!
What-Nots –Talking with Charles, not his real name, on Sunday over coffee. Charles told me Jimmy (Jimmy’s Bait Shop & Grill fame) has been laying low and out of sight for the most part but he had heard the Jimmy bought and old freight depot. In theory I suppose to produce his “essential oils” from the pipeline by infusing with aromas. I will try to catch up with Jimmy in a week or so to get the real scoop.
I was listening to Pandora Radio on my computer while writing this week’s blog. Low and behold the Beach Boys came on singing “She’s real fine my 409”. I racked my brain trying to remember them doing a song about a cleanser. Seemed out of character for them. My current wife had to explain to me that it was a 409 Chevy. AWKWARD!
|The master of no respect and one-liners was Rodney Dangerfield. Here are a few of his classics.|
|With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, “How can I get my kite in the air?” He told me to run off a cliff.|
|I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.|
|My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.|
|It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass!|
|Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.|
|A girl phoned me and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home!|
|A hooker once told me she had a headache.|
|If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all.|
My grandmother had a bumper sticker on her car that says, ‘Sexy Senior Citizen.’ It’s hard to think of my dear old granny in that way. What wass she doing? Out entering wet shawl contests? Wheelchair racing? Teeth swapping? Makes me wonder where she got that ten dollar bill she gave me for my birthday.
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally, she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?” “Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.
“Grandpa, did God make me too?” “Yes, indeed, honey,” he said, “God made you just a little while ago.” Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?”
“It’s not that I can and others can’t, it’s I did and others didn’t.” Remember your Vietnam Veterans – All gave some, some gave all!! If I can make at least one-person smile, or laugh till they leak, then my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!