Open Wide #304 4/26/2016

You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

Drivel Over Coffee, the blog; musings, memories and whatnot infused with the earthy aroma of French Roast Coffee. Welcome everyone. We are alive in living color in the back booth of Coffeesmiths. In front of me is my laptop, iPad, chocolate chunk cookie, and a 20 ouncer of Fox Hollow (the closest thing to French Roast they have). Please pinch me – I am living the dream. From my seat, I can eyeball every person that comes in. More importantly, I have my back against a wall in typical Vietnam Veteran style. The Vets know what I mean.

Musings –When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts” and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny? Now, I put my “two cents” in more often than most people. I am making some people very well off financially.

I love it when a complicated situation such as “The Debt Ceiling” can be explained in such simple terms!

Democrats don’t understand THE DEBT CEILING
Republicans don’t understand THE DEBT CEILING
Liberals don’t understand THE DEBT CEILING
Conservatives don’t understand THE DEBT CEILING
Congress doesn’t understand THE DEBT CEILING

SO, allow me to explain. Let’s say you come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup in your neighborhood. Your home has sewage all the way up to your ceiling. What do you think you should do?

1. Raise the ceiling, or 2. Pump out the crap? Your choice is coming in November 2016.

Memories – Next to our little farm house were two buildings – the outhouse and the coal shed. The outhouse was small and functional; a one holer as I recall. Next to the path leading from the house to the outhouse was a black walnut tree. A midnight trip of necessity could be perilous during the time when the walnuts were dropping on the ground. Sometimes stepping barefooted on one of those walnuts eliminated the need to continue the trip to the outhouse.

The other building was what I called the coal shed. It was a neat place for an eight-year-old kid. The shed held a load of crushed coal, a bunch of ground corn cobs and miscellaneous tools, shovels, pails and toys. A chunk of coal was about an inch to an inch and a half in diameter and dirty. The darned coal company would place a round stamped tin medallion in the coal. To me these were really a collectible item. Kids at school would trade anything for them. Naturally, I rooted around in this pile of coal to find as many of these medallions as I could. The one thing that I had not anticipated or planned for was the coal dust and dirt. When I had a pocket full, I decided it was time for a snack. Too late I found out that I was covered from head to toe with coals stuff. Mom was not happy. It was about then that she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d die. For that matter my dad was not happy either. It seems in my quest for the prized medallions, I totally wrecked neatly piled coal.

I was sitting in the dentist office last week getting my teeth cleaned. My hygienist was getting ready and I thought back to when I was a kid. I had bad teeth. Each time my mom would take me in I would have cavities. I remember one time in particular when I was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that I had a cavity that would have to be filled. “Now, young man,” asked the dentist, “what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?” “Chocolate, please,” I replied. I probably should not have made a wise crack. He proceeded to hit a nerve with his slow turning drill. Oh, did I mention – no Novocain. Yikes!

Whatnots- Forgot to do yoga yesterday. That makes 6 years straight. Only in America do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.

A woman goes with her husband to the doctor for his exam. After the exam, the doctor pulls the wife aside and says:” Your husband is suffering from severe long-term stress, and he is a good candidate for a heart attack or stroke. If you don’t do the following three things, he will surely die. First, every morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Second, when he gets home make him a warm, nutritious dinner, and don’t burden him with household chores. Third, have sex with him several times a week.” On the way home, the husband asks the wife, “I saw the doctor talking to you and he looked serious. What did he say?” “He says you’re gonna die.”

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.” “That’s amazing,” the woman said. “How old are you?” “Twenty-six,” he said.

Not everyone who lost his life in Vietnam died there. Not everyone who came home from Vietnam ever left there. If I can make at least one-person smile, or laugh till they leak, then my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!