Year 2 #302 4/12/2016

One day I’ll do great and amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I manage to not spill food on my shirt.

Drivel Over Coffee, the blog; musings, memories and whatnot infused with the earthy aroma of French Roast Coffee. Welcome everyone. Today we are at my favorite coffee spot occupying my favorite table. Not much of a crowd today to watch me craft a blog. Probably because it is raining like crazy and shoot, face it, no one really wants to watch me write a blog of little or no value.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. You have probably heard that before. Today is the first day of year 2 of marriage for daughter Jenny and Steve. By all means, please stand and give them a well-deserved round of applause. Well, yesterday was the First Anniversary of Jenny & Steve’s wedding. It doesn’t seem possible that it has been a year already. My current wife and I are very proud of these two kiddos. We wish them all of the very best today, tomorrow and all days.

Musings – Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him. “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent. “Well,” replied old John, “There’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.” “That’s the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,” says the agent. “That would be me,” replied old rancher John. Bazinga!

Did you hear about Rush Limbaugh? It seems Rush and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed like hours. When the chauffeur came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his driver had been in there so long. “Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses.” explained the driver. “What did you tell the farmer?” Limbaugh asked. The chauffeur replied, “I told him I was Rush Limbaugh’s driver and I’d just killed the pig.”

Memories – Many, many years ago, Sue and I were young. Like in our 20’s. Shoot we didn’t know anything in those days except to play softball, go fast in sports cars and party. I remember this one time we were on our way home from just such an event – her class reunion. Now you must remember the term “designated driver” had not been invented yet. Shoot we didn’t learn of that until Jenny was in college. Anyway, on our way home a cop pulls us over and finds a young couple (us) in the front seat.

“Where’s your seat belt young man?”, asked the cop. “Oh, I just took it off now when you were walking up to the car”, I responded. “No you didn’t!”, exclaimed my current wife, “You never wear your seat belt!”. A little taken aback, the cop asked to see my license. “Aw, shucks!”, I cried, “I must have left it home!”. “Yeah, right!”, screamed my soon to be previous wife, “You know it expired 3 months ago!” At a loss for words, the cop asked Sue, “Are you always so tough on him?!” “No”, responded Sue, “Only when he’s had too much to drink!” You can guess what ensued.

Sue and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink, as he sat alone at a nearby table. So I asked her, “Do you know him?” “Yes,” she sighed. “He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he started drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.” “My God!” I said. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?” This might explain the above story.

Whatnots- Did you know line dancing was started by women waiting to use the bathroom? Neither did I.

My current wife and I were sitting in the family room last night eating popcorn and watching TV. Murphy was sitting on my lap sleeping. He doesn’t like popcorn. I was watching but mostly daydreaming because I had already seen the show on TV. I am thinking sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say, “I know it’s hard. You’re going to be okay. Here is chocolate and 6 million dollars.” Instead during a commercial I blurted out, “Whatever happened to our sexual relations?” Sue replied, “I don’t know. I don’t even think we got a Christmas card from them this year.”

Today is equal pay day. It is a day to show the difference between what men and women are paid in the US. This always falls on a Tuesday in April but official wage figures are not available until late August / September. So why isn’t it in August/September? Are all of those days full or what?

Today is also grilled cheese sandwich day when it’s practically your duty to indulge in them. Grilled cheese sandwiches are a delicious, toasted delight popular all across the world. Melting cheese on top of bread is a culinary concept that has been around since the time of the Romans, but grilled cheese sandwiches as we know them didn’t become popular until the 1920s. Due to the ready availability of cheese and sliced bread, they became an American staple, but also spread around the world.

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are guaranteed to be in the wrong pocket. Just saying.

Not everyone who lost his life in Vietnam died there. Not everyone who came home from Vietnam ever left there. If I can make at least one-person smile, or laugh till they leak, then my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!