Hippity Hop Leap Year #296 – 3/1/2016

Don’t use thoughts or words carelessly. They can’t be retrieved.

Good Morning Drivelites. Raise your cup of French Roast and receive this toast. On this Tuesday, may thee and thou be blessed with Spring-like sunshine and recovery from toe fungus. Sip, Sip, Sip, aah, so good! Yesterday was, of course, Leap Year Day. Not knowing quite how to honor this day, I just skipped along all day. Did get some looks but that was okay cause I was wearing my minion hat so no one would know who it was.

Pig Day – That’s right, today is pig day. The Pig is a wholly underrated animal, so this special day was created in 1972 to attempt to elevate awareness of the intellectual prowess, adaptability and general tastiness of the humble Pig. Celebrate Pig Day by tying pink ribbons to trees to symbolize curly pink tails, and then either give the poor piggies a break in recognition of their service, or tuck into a nice bacon sarnie – your choice.

Stupid Day Declared – That is correct Driveliers, I have declared Trashy Tuesday as “Only in This Stupid World” Day. Over the weekend I had a chance to finally do some of the more mundane things associated with retired life – like going to the pharmacy, Walmart, the bank, and so for. I realized that my mind can handle only so much stupidity in this world of ours. Here are just some of my observations.

I walked into CVS Pharmacy the other day and realized that only in this stupid world do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. I stopped at McDonalds for lunch and ordered double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke (El Stupid Dude). Next I waltzed into my bank. Why do they leave the vault doors open but chain the pens to the counter? I guess if you chain up the pens it makes some sort of sense that they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. A stop at the grocery store lit my wick even more. Why is it that we continue to buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight? I vow to start doing like the old timers do with bananas. They find the best bunch of bananas, usually 5-7 in a bunch. They will pull out 3 bananas leaving a bunch that not many people would buy. I am going to do that with hot dogs. I will open the package, take two out, put them in a zip lock bag, put them back in the meat case and check out with my eight hot dogs and eight buns. If I can get enough people doing practicing this tactic we might just get the message sent. Oh yes, ever notice that these stores put the cart corrals about as far away from the handicap parking as possible? Home I went fed up with all of the Stupid in this world when I noticed right here on Hysteria lane that we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in this stupid world.

Sadly – Changing thoughts for a moment. We had three funerals last week. Just seemed like everyone was passing away. A good friend of ours and the Silver Sneakers exercise group passed. She will be sorely missed that is for sure. She was very emotional upon learning that Tweetie Bird died? Yep, he had chirpees. It’s a canarial disease as I understand. And, unfortunately, it’s untweetable. I think we are all feeling a sense of loss with Tweetie’s passing. (BTW, this was her favorite joke – RIP).

A good work friend of my current wife and rabid Hawkeye fan passed suddenly. Shoot at our age, it should never be surprising but it always is. We will miss his love of life that is for sure. Last but certainly not least was the passing of another huge Hawkeye fan and best friend of Jenny the elder. They had been best buds since college. She too died suddenly and way, way before she should have. Her passing leaves a huge hole in our whole family but most particularly Jenny. We will miss her greatly. RIP friends….

Jimmy’s – As Billy Bob tells it he sends a text to his next-door neighbor: “Andy, I’m sorry. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you’re not around, probably more than you. I know it’s no excuse but I don’t get it at home. I can’t live with the guilt any longer. I hope you’ll accept my sincerest apology. It won’t happen again.” Feeling outrage and betrayed, Andy grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife. Moments later Andy gets a second text: “Really should use spell check! That should be “Wi-Fi”.” Come on Billy Bob. That is a rather large “oops” don’t you think?

Surely, you all remember Spud and his wife Inez. Spud is one of the regulars at Jimmy’s. We are sitting at the table debating whether we should pitch in a couple of bucks to give to Jimmy for the cleaning of the coffee pot. The coffee is getting a little skanky. In the midst of the debate Spud jumps to his feet. He announces that they (Spud & Inez) have learned he has a half-sister. I chirped with “By another father?” “No! Shark bite.” Spud replied. He brought the house down.

Old Fart Pride – I never really liked the terminology “Old Farts” but this makes me feel better about it. And if you aren’t one, I’ll bet you know one! I got this from an “Old Fart” friend of mine!

It’s not a bad thing to be called an Old Fart. Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events; during the National Anthem, Old Farts remove their hats, place them over their hearts, stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them. Old Farts remember World War II, Normandy, Spitfires and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Bomb, Vietnam, the Korean War, the Cold War, the Moon Landing and all the Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005. If you bump into an Old Fart on the sidewalk, he will apologize. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts trust strangers and are polite, particularly to women. Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection. Old Farts get embarrassed if someone swears in front of women and children and they don’t like any filthy language on TV. Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag except about their children and grandchildren. It’s the Old Farts who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the Air Force, Army, Coast Guard and Navy.

This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values. We need them now more than ever.

We who have seen war never stop seeing it. Stay well, Brother. If I can make at least one person smile, or laugh till they leak, then my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!