Jimmy’s #295 2/23/2016

“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” Mark Twain

Good Morning! I’m glad you can take a few minutes to see what is happening here on Hysteria Lane. Most of our snow has left us with a few days of mild weather. Let’s give a weatherman a hug okay? Alert, Alert – Today is yet another “Slap An Idiot Tuesday”. Personally, the more I learn about people, the more I like my dog. Good Boy! Today is also National Banana Bread Day for those who were wondering.

Jimmy’s – I was at Jimmy’s Grill & Bait Shop last week sipping a cup of what once was French Roast coffee. It loses a bit of flavor after being reheated a dozen or so times. The caffeine punch is increased but not the flavor. Sitting at “our” table overlooking the river, I wondered why on earth a person would want a little hut sitting on frozen water. The river was dotted with them. Some simple structures and others were more elaborate. My friend, Red, took me out to his hut the other day. It was a one holer. There was room for two people – barely. Inside was a stool, an auger, a fishing pole about the size of a 12-inch ruler, and a twelve pack of Bud Light. Basically, it had the feeling of an old outhouse from my childhood. I don’t understand the attraction of sitting by yourself in one of these huts, staring at a hole in the ice, a miniature fishing pole in hand and line in the water. I mean there is something weird about that. Should you get a bite it will be a little dude not worth taking home.

Jimmy’s is a second generation store. It is currently run by Jimmy junior. Jimmy senior died a couple of years ago. Jimmy senior built a nice business although it is off the beaten track a bit. The clientele are mostly fishermen. I am not a fisherman but the Old Farts Coffee Klatch of which I am a member have found a home at Jimmy’s. It basically boils down to the fact that we can sit around the table, tell stories, argue, belch, pass gas and no one will care or comment. Other cafes seemed to take exception to this behavior. I’m not saying that we were ever asked to leave but instead we were encouraged to not come back. Jimmy junior has kept the place going after senior’s passing. We really didn’t think junior would be able to keep the wheels on it. He never had much ambition but I guess the café and bait shop is laid back enough that it works. Junior started a fishing gear swap shop in one corner. It has worked nicely. You can find a lot of good stuff there.

Basically on one side of the 50’s architecture store is the bait shop and the other side is the café. Over the years, however, the bait shop has infringed on the café area. The café area only has about 6 or 7 tables and 6 stools at the counter. The obligatory framed dollar bill and an outdated health inspection permit adorn the wall behind the counter. At one end of the counter is a display of stink baits. One wall is all windows overlooking the river and the aforementioned fishing huts. Oh you can see the rear end and fins of a 1960 Cadillac Coupe DeVille sticking above the ice. The other end is nestled nicely under the ice. A stark reminder to everyone that you must be patient and wait for the ice to get thick enough. Enough about Jimmy’s.

A Quarter? A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was….”Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!” I’m like…. Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!”

Car Shopping – I may have mentioned this a time or two but I am shopping for a car. My current wife and I have been visiting many of the dealers in the area. We have picked a model we like only to change our minds 3 days later for one reason or another. We have looked at Audi, Chevrolet, Kia, Nissan, Buick, Cadillac, BMW, VW, Mazda and others. I have worn out the internet car sites trying to find the details that will influence the car I buy. Each site has a “build your car” capability. I have run through those screens to come up with a price and list of features. On every summary screen, regardless of brand, they have a button to “request a quote”. I have asked for a quote a couple of times following the on-screen instructions. I have as yet to receive a quote from anyone. They respond by asking me to give them a call or inviting me to the showroom. I am confused so I looked up the meaning of quote in the dictionary. Basically, it is defined as a quotation giving the estimated cost for a particular job or service. That is what I thought. All I want is their best price. Is that too much to ask for. I don’t want to play the shopping for cars game.

Want Ads – I found some interesting items in the classified last Sunday. I couldn’t help but to pass some of the more unique ones on to you.
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER – 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
FREE PUPPIES – ½ Cocker Spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbors’ dog.
FREE PUPPIES – Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COW, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also one gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer. $100.00
FOR SALE BY OWNER – Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, $200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
We who have seen war never stop seeing it. Stay well, Brother. If I can make at least one-person smile, or laugh till they leak, then my day was not wasted. Until we meet again -TA!