Groundhog Day or My Birthday plus One – #292

It’s a freakin’ holiday entirely based on the power of a psychic rodent. If that isn’t the epitome of awesome, I don’t know what is.
~Flying LlamaFish

Happy Groundhog Day folks. What are your plans for today? Does your work have this as a holiday? Why not? Let’s lobby to get this added to our holiday days off. With cloudy skies forecast for western Pennsylvania on Tuesday morning, it’s unlikely famed groundhog Punxsutawney Phil will see his shadow when he pops out of his burrow, meaning he won’t promptly rush back inside. That’s assuming he isn’t freaked out by the blinding lights and overall hullabaloo.

According to legend, if Phil sees his shadow on Feb. 2, the scared groundhog returns to his burrow and the USA is in store for six more weeks of winter. But, if he doesn’t see his shadow, the country can expect warmer temperatures and an early spring.

Birthday – Yesterday was my birthday. Number 70. Yippee! I feel as though I am officially an Old Fart. In addition to devouring a two layer chocolate cake, I took the day to reflect on the 70 years that have been my life. According to this BMI chart…. I am too short. I almost forgot to set my scale back 10 lbs. this week. I have come to realize that I’m not the type of person you should put on the speaker phone. I dream of a better world where a chicken can cross the road without having his motives  questioned! You may notice that I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

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My peeps honored me with a steak lunch at the Longhorn in Coralville, IA on Saturday. Why Saturday, you ask? It was all about schedules. Monday, Feb. 1st and my birthday was caucus day. My current wife wanted to caucus which meant Monday was out. Sunday was out also, a Hawkeye Basketball game and other things conflicted. Next, was Saturday. The evening was out because of a conflict but lunch seemed open. You may have seen a photo posted by my lovely youngest daughter. The food was great but the fellowship was even better. Sven and Svenette were there with my buddy Bennett. Doctor Football came along enhancing the birthday experience. Debby and my current wife rounded out the attendees. THANKS everyone for making it a special gathering.

Road Rage – There I was minding my own business if you can believe it. Suddenly directly in front of me I saw a road rage dust-up occur involving 2 women. This one gal, irritated at the snail’s pace of the lady in front of her, sped up and rammed her in the rear. The collision sent her shopping cart into the displays. The irate gal noticed me looking at her. She yells, “You think I’m cute when I’m mad? Well buckle up sweet cheeks, I’m about to get freakin’ adorable!”

The irate lady proceeded to grab the other lady by her hair and slam her into the displays next to her cart. Well, this cleared the shelves. Cooler heads soon prevailed. The tempers cooled quickly thankfully. One had a bloody nose. The floor was all red with cans of tomato sauce. Yep, right there in the aisles of the grocery store. Makes you wonder what our world is becoming.

Church This and That – An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. “Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely. “The front row please.” she answered. “You really don’t want to do that”, the usher said, “The pastor is really boring.” “Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired.

“No.” he said. “I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly. “Do you know who I am?” he asked. “No.” she said. “Good,” he answered.

In his beautiful book, “I Shall Not Want,” Robert Ketchum tells of a Sunday School teacher who asked her group of children if anyone could quote the entire 23rd Psalm. A golden-haired, four-and-a-half-year-old girl was among those who raised their hands.

A bit skeptical, the teacher asked if she could really quote the entire psalm. The little girl came to the front of the room, faced the class, made a perky little bow, and said, “The Lord is my shepherd, that’s all I want.”

She bowed again and sat down. That may well be the greatest interpretation of the 23rd Psalm ever heard.

The Super Bowl is coming this Sunday. Are you ready? Broncos or Carolina? Who is your pick? I would like to see Manning go out winning the game, but I also like the Carolina team. It is a toss-up for me. Our high school had football for a few years. When I was there we were pretty bad. You see my school was a really small school. We practically had to get volunteers from the stands. But thinking about the Super Bowl reminded me of the time our coach walked into the changing room before a game.  He looked over to Frank and said, ‘I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed arithmetic, but we need you to be in there tonight. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right then you will be allowed to play.’

Frank agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, ‘Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?’ Frank thought for a moment and then answered, “4?” “Did you say 4?” the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it correct.

Suddenly all the other players on the team including me began shouting…, ‘Come on coach, give him another chance!’ Football was not my best sport that is for sure.

We who have seen war never stop seeing it. Stay well, Brother. If I can make at least one person smile, or laugh till they leak, then my day was not wasted. Until we meet again –TA!