Drivel Over Coffee 279 9/22/2015


“Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.”


…And I am constantly torn between “treat others how you wanna be treated” and “treat others how they treat you.” So, GOOD MORNING Vietnam WORLD!!!!!! Ever look back and think of some of the people you dated or wanted to date in High School…..and see them on Facebook and think,: Whew! I dodged a bullet on THAT ONE!”

Let’s start today with a little test. I am assuming you have had at least one cup of French Roast and are thinking more or less logically. First, think of a number between 0 and 20. Remember that number because you had to add 32 to it. Now, you may want to write that down since we are going to multiply by 2 and then subtract 1. Write you answer down. Now close your eyes. It’s dark isn’t it?

Ever question your decision making skills? My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.

So a man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won’t quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, “What would you like, sir?” He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, “A quickie.” The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, “What would you like, sir?” Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, “A quickie, please.” This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding “SMACK!” and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, “Um, I think it’s pronounced ‘QUICHE.'”

Quite a few years ago early in our marriage and not long after my return from Vietnam, our days were filled with constant arguments. My current wife and I decided the only way to save our marriage was to try professional counseling. We had been at each others throat for some time and felt that this was our last straw. When we arrived at the counselor’s office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. “What seems to be the problem?”

Immediately, I held my long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, Sue began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After five, ten, fifteen minutes of listening to her, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.

After that, Sue sat there – speechless. He looked over at me and I was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to me, “Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!” I scratched my head and replied, “Okay, I can have her here by three o’clock on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

Fighting boredom? I find myself coping with this most days. A method I find interesting, to me at least, is a fascination with inanimate objects. My latest fascination is with a box of Kleenex. A well placed box of tissue is almost as comforting as your dog. There always or almost always is a tissue standing upright and ready to be of assistance. Whether white or some soothing color or pattern, the tissue is ready. It can wipe tears of sadness or joy from your eyes, wipe your runny nose or blot up any type of liquid. Shoot it is even strong enough to hold together while you blow your nose yet soft enough not to chafe. My tissue stands there asking “How can I be of help”. Kudos to my friend the Kleenex.

Progress is being made on the cleaning of the garage. It has been two weeks or more since I started and I think I am beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel. If I can maintain this pace, I will be done before the first snow. Cross your fingers, though, just in case.

Well, Iowa Hawkeye fans did you like the outcome of the night game with Pittsburgh? The game was exciting from start to finish. Sure made one proud to be a Hawkeye with the honoring of Nick Gallery and seeing Brett Greenwood leading the swarm out on the field. Feel so bad for him. He was a great player from the Quad Cities area. During a week where we lost Tyler Sash and Roy Marble (also great Hawkeye Athletes). There wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Very moving and really exemplified the words “Once A Hawkeye, Always a Hawkeye”. With fingers crossed, maybe this season begins the turn in Hawkeye Football fortunes.

I saw a sweatshirt that read, “Nurses; We can’t fix Stupid, but we can sedate it! Or restrain it…”

Herbie, one of the members of the Old Farts Coffee Klatch, told us about the time he was at the Pizza Ranch for supper. Mid way through the meal, he excused himself so he could relieve himself. A little background on Herbie. Herbie grew up on a farm/ranch. His dad was a frustrated cowboy and Herbie followed in his dad’s shoes. As Herbie tells it, he is standing at the urinal in the men’s bathroom next to a guy doing the same duty. The guy turns to Herbie and says, “Get them yourself, they are your teeth.” Herbie had sneezed and his false teeth jumped from his mouth into the urinal. Not a pretty thought when you have pizza and fried chicken left on your plate.

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex… Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, ‘Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry about that! I’m dating Susan!’

Stay well, “OLD FRIEND!” It’s Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived. If I can make at least one person smile, or laugh till they leak, then my day was not wasted. Now, until we meet again. -TA!