Drivel Over Coffee #273 8/11/2015


“My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn’t go as planned, and that’s the burden I bear.”


Only a few days until my school has an “all school” reunion. Now that it is this close, I don’t know if I am looking forward to it or dreading it. It has been a long, long time since I have seen many of my classmates. I probably won’t recognize any of them if they have aged anything like I have. I trust there will be a pile of “Hello My Name is:” name badges. Whatever else you do write your name in BIG letters and center of the chest please. Some of us can’t see so well anymore. Cataracts are narrowing my field of vision. It will probably be a good time despite my nervousness.

Thinking back to those days of yore, one thing I really miss is “scooping the loop”. We would drive up and down and all around town endlessly. Driving slow, looking cool or trying to. Shoot gas was 25 cents a gallon back then and we could afford it sort of. There really was no purpose in doing this. It kept us out of the bars (for the most part). We didn’t do drugs back then. Shoot we had hardly heard of grass. The 60’s were really awesome times except for the war related parts. Surely, we will be able to reminisce and tell our stories. I may even embellish a bit just for the fun of it.

I have been retired since 2009. Enjoyed it for the most part. I haven’t enjoyed the delayed onset of PTSD and Agent Orange related malady’s that have been cropping up. But, during this time, I have formed perspectives on a host of subjects. Now I warn you these may be somewhat stilted and that is fine. I have written often about “Stupid” and people who are afflicted with it. Everyone has a right to be stupid, I guess, but politicians just abuse the privilege. I’m not saying let’s go out and kill all the stupid people to rid them from our lives. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out. I have also written from time to time about people’s driving habits. I attribute the lack of driving skills and manners to being infected with “Stupid”. Over the years, I have developed a set of do’s and don’t when driving. Actually, Jenny, the elder get most of the thanks for these. It irks me to have to follow a 90’s something couple driving in the left lane at 42 mph in a 70 mph zone. I have found that a most effective tool I have ever installed was to change my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.

I have made mention of my current wife, Sue, many times. Usually in the context of our interactions based upon something I may have allegedly done. Oh, I remember, barely, the day I met my current wife. I got that tingly little feeling all over my body. You know, that feeling you get when you meet someone you really like for the first time. I have come to understand that the tingly feeling was common sense leaving your body. Likely, to never return. I have learned over many, many years of observations that you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. Yep, that’s right. If they are holding a gun, she’s probably ticked. Those days when girls cooked like their mothers are long gone. Now they drink like their fathers.

I don’t often go the bars these days. It is a combination of lack of desire, not wanting to deal with a hangover, medications I take and so forth. I pretty much gave up the drinking thing when at about the age of 45 I got stinking slobber knockered in about 4 hours. I spent the better part of the next 3 days in bed recovering. It was during this episode that my business training inexplicably kicked in and I realized after a cost/benefit analysis that I probably should not do that anymore. I did, however, have occasion a while back to spend some time in a local drinking establishment. What’s that? Oh, I was waiting for the current wife. Anyway, I was sitting at the bar and a guy came in and sat down next to me. He orders drink after drink. “Is everything okay, pal?” the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!” Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, ….. a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day!”

My friend, MacBlu, sent this story to me a while back. It is cute I think. It is a simple story of Connie and Evelyn. Enjoy!

Two little old ladies, Connie & Evelyn, were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. The short one, Connie, leaned over and said, “Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $10 I’d take my clothes off and streak through that stupid, boring flower show”!

“You’re on!”, said Evelyn, holding up a $10 bill.

So, Connie slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes. She grabbed a dried flower from a nearby display and held it between her teeth. Then, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. Finally, the smiling Connie came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering, clapping crowd.

“What happened?” asked Evelyn.

“I won $1,000 as 1st prize for ‘Best Dried Arrangement’!”

Life is short……break the rules…forgive quickly….. love truly….laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile!!

To close this issue, I want to share a photo of a pug that accidentally saw me naked. I didn’t 
get the same welcome that Connie received. I am assured he will never get over this. Just look at the shock on his face. The experience resulted in significant trauma. He is now receiving therapy and should be okay eventually.
“It’s not that I can and others can’t, it’s I did and others didn’t.” If I can make at least one person smile, or laugh till they leak, then my day was not wasted. Now, until we meet again. -TA!