Drivel Over Coffee #270 7/21/2015

Remember, the very moment you wake up in the morning – a goal has been accomplished.”

Good morning world! May your troubles be less and your blessings be more. May you realize what all you pain and hard work is for. May you find the peace you seek within and have the patience to tolerate women and men! Have a great day friends!

Looking forward to today. I called in and canceled Monday so this is the first day of the week for me. For 2,028 weeks straight excluding vacations the trash is at the curb as prescribed by the Garbage Gestapo. I despise being manacled to them like this. Just smacks of big brother. Heard today that another attempt to take my guns away is underway. The Feds are going after all of us over 65 and drawing social security. They are claiming if you are drawing social security you must not be able to do things for yourself anymore.

“A new survey came out, and Washington, D.C., was named the fittest city in the country. And it makes sense. Just think of all of the exercise they get running for re-election, walking back statements, dodging questions and jumping to conclusions. That’s all cardio.”

I have had many faithful readers for a long time. The “old timers” will remember that I wrote a lot about my not-so-real doggie fitness center and spa. Just because I haven’t focused on it for a while does not mean it has gone away. It is quite to the contrary actually. As a form of background, I started this business strictly for our canine community. This facility was state of the art including doggie treadmills, a swimming pool, and the French doggie bidet. We had a library annex next to us which ran counter to Lady Godiva’s parlor. The area grew up around the fitness center over the years. My business concept has been so successful that I have added several more locations around the community. I am currently looking at franchising it. Don’t know why I continue to fuss with these fantasy ideas. My current wife, Sue, thinks it keeps me out of bars. Perhaps.

Murphy, my Boston Terrier, is nine months old now and is showing signs of being a pretty smart little guy. At 15 lbs., he feels like a Retriever or Pit Bull. He is a greeter at the spa. He welcomes each and every client who comes in with a friendly yip and lick. He also gives a bark to alert the staff of a new arrival. Murphy is extremely sensitive to his surroundings and creatures. He lets us know if something or someone is out of place. He has proven to be quite an asset already in his nine months.
Twice a month the old farts of our church get together for a men’s breakfast. It is at 7:00 am which for some is quite a chore to get there. Our breakfast rotates between rolls, fruit, coffee and juice and pancakes, sausage, scrambled eggs and fruit. I have accepted the roll of fryer of thee sausage. I supply the sausage therefore I get to choose what to cook. In the same kitchen, the scrambled eggs are prepared. I don’t like eggs. I feel they should be used only as an ingredient. Needless to say, these guys, having nothing better to do, tease the living daylights out of me. I have attached a photo that pretty well shows my opinion of these things. I do have some excuses for my avoidance to the gooey things which I will not get into here. Don’t want to give these guys any more ammunition you see. We have a good time of fellowship, gossip, rumor spreading and sometimes listen to speakers. It is open to all of male persuasion. Stop in sometime and see if it fits.

A judge asked a witness,”Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?” “I do”, the witness replied. “Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?” The judge asked. “Sure”, the witness replied. “My side wins.”

Sign in a veterinarian’s waiting room: “Back in five minutes. Sit, Stay.”

An elementary school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6 year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1. Don’t change horses. .. .UNTIL THEY STOP RUNNING.

2. Strike while the… BUG IS CLOSE.

3. It’s always darkest before… DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME.

4. Never underestimate the power of… TERMITES.

5. You can lead a horse to water but… HOW?

6. Don’t bite the hand that… LOOKS DIRTY.

7. No news is… IMPOSSIBLE.

8. A miss is as good as a… MR.

9. You can’t teach an old dog new… MATH.

10. If you lie down with dogs, you’ll… STINK IN THE MORNING.

11. Love all, trust… ME.

12. The pen is mightier than the… PIGS.

13. An idle mind is… THE BEST WAY TO RELAX.

14. Where there’s smoke there’s… POLLUTION.

15. Happy the bride who… GETS ALL THE PRESENTS.

16. A penny saved is… NOT MUCH.

17. Two’s company, three’s… THE MUSKETEERS.

18. Don’t put off till tomorrow what… YOU PUT ON TO GO TO BED.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and… YOU HAVE TO BLOW YOUR NOSE.

20. There are none so blind as… STEVIE WONDER.

21. Children should be seen and not… SPANKED OR GROUNDED.

22. If at first you don’t succeed… GET NEW BATTERIES.

23. You get out of something only what you… SEE IN THE PICTURE ON THE BOX.

24. When the blind lead the blind… GET OUT OF THE WAY.

25. A bird in the hand… IS GOING TO POOP ON YOU.

And the winner and last one!

26. Better late than… PREGNANT.

“It’s not that I can and others can’t, it’s I did and others didn’t.” If I can make at least one person smile, or laugh till they leak, then my day was not wasted. Now, until we meet again. -TA!