Drivel Over Coffee #267 6/30/2015

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

Good to see everyone again. Had any rain? If you are in Iowa, at the very least, you know what rain is. It just keeps on coming. The forecast for this week showed chances of rain every day. Mother Nature has her undies bunched up I think. No idea what ticked her off.

Work continues on the front of our house. Daughter Debby, the younger elder, is spear heading this project. We ripped out all of the old stuff and are putting in all new plants. Pretty exciting. Debby has a green thumb and good instincts it seems. We want to keep raising the “keep up with the Bailey’s bar”. This latest venture seems to have stunned the neighbors. We usually see a flurry of new activity but I haven’t noticed any so far. I wanted to thank the CR Streets dept. for putting in a new street light so quickly. It really lights up the area at night. The other one barely lit up the pole let alone anything else. Now, the neighbors can be tantalized day and night.

Shortly after retiring I became stark raving mad with boredom. I searched for a some volunteer work that would be meaningful without much success. In desperation, I applied at Wal-Mart and was hired. Two hours into my first day of work as a Wal-Mart greeter, an ugly woman came in with her two kids. Hearing her swear at them, I said, “Good morning, welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice kids, are they twins?” The mom answered, “Hell no, they ain”t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7. Why would you think they’re twins? Are you blind or stupid? I replied, “I’m not blind or stupid. I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart. My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work! This story is courtesy of Stephen David Forbes.

Many Iowans understand just how awesome our state is. However, many non-Iowans think of us as some hicks living in corn and soybean fields. Below is a list of 10 Weird And Wacky World Records Held By Iowa and Iowans. Spread the word. We are awesome

1. The world’s largest concrete gnome is located at Reiman Gardens in Ames. It weighs 3,500 pounds and is 15 feet tall.

2. The worlds largest frying pan, in Brandon, weighs half a ton and can hold 44 dozen eggs. It is actually debated whether this frying pan or the frying pan in Long Beach, Washington, is the world’s largest, but many agree that the title belongs to Iowa’s pan.

3. The world’s largest strawberry, in Strawberry Point, weighs 1,430 pounds and stands 15 feet high, 12 feet across.

4. Sac City, Iowa, is home to the worlds largest popcorn ball, which weighs 3,100 pounds.

5. Albert the Bull is the world’s largest bull at 30 feet tall, 33 feet long, and a whopping 45 tons. You can find Albert in Audubon, Iowa.

6. If you visit Algona, you will find the world’s largest Cheeto enshrined in a case, sitting on a velvet cushion. At Christmas-time he wears a Santa Clause hat.

7. The world’s largest clog dance was achieved by 2,605 people during the Tulip Time festival in Pella, Iowa, on May, 8 2010.

8. Iowa holds the world record for most people to simultaneously do the Stop, Drop, and Roll. The event was held on August 21 at the Iowa State Fair in Des Moines.

9. In 2012, Iowa set the world record for most sets of twins in one grade. There were 16 sets of twins in the ninth-grade class at Valley Southwoods Freshman High School in Des Moines, Iowa.

10. Hans N. Langseth set the world record for the longest beard when he died in Kensett, Iowa in 1927. His 17 foot, 6 inch long beard was presented to the Smithsonian in the 1960’s.

Upon my retirement, daughter Debby began cutting my hair. It really wasn’t a big deal since I was down to a dozen or so hairs on the top of my head. She did a great job. A few years earlier she had given us a home hair cutting kit and had been lightly used up to that point. My current wife took note at how easy Debby made it look. Soon she was expressing a desire to take over the duties and she did. She did a great job as well. Now the years have passed along and that unit is not working so well. Being a responsible customer, I purchased a new unit for her. The last two times she cut my hair she was less than happy with the cutter. My hair cuts were evidence of her displeasure. This last time she didn’t even get the haircut completed. Needless, I was not very presentable. I finally had a look at this machine with the intent of fixing it. I know, I hear you groaning. It is a slippery slope but I only had to screws to remove which I did. An hour later I cannot find a thing wrong except I was having a problem putting it back together. Little did I know that it was spring loaded. When putting it together these two little springs needed to go in a certain spot, held and the screws inserted. I did get it done finally. No change in how it worked however. Scratching my ever enlarging forehead, I noted this unit was an Oster brand which was not the brand I had bought. The 200 watt light bulb above my head lit up when I realized she had continued to use the old defective on these last two times. A corrective cut performed last night brought high marks from her. BTW, anyone know of a pill that reduces memory loss?

Vietnam Legacy

I was that which others did not want to be.
I was where others feared to go and did what others failed to do.
I asked nothing from those who gave nothing and reluctantly accepted the thought of eternal loneliness…. should I fail.
I have seen the face of terror, felt the stinging cold of fear, smelled the odor of war and enjoyed the sweet taste of a moment’s love.
I have cried, pained, and hoped…. but most of all I have lived times others would say were best forgotten.
I have lived each day wondering why I must live in agony til I die.
At least someday I will be able to say that I was proud of what I was ….. A soldier.

Original by George L. Skypeck

If I can make at least one person smile, or laugh till they leak, then my day was not wasted. Now, until we meet again. -TA!