Drivel Over Coffee #265 6/16/2015

The first panacea for a mismanaged nation is inflation of the currency; the second is war. Both bring a temporary prosperity; both bring a permanent ruin. But both are the refuge of political and economic opportunists. Ernest Hemingway

You are here. Here is the “Drivel Over Coffee” blog. If you have gotten here by accident, please read then remove yourself. If you have arrived here intentionally, we welcome you with open arms. Grab a cup of French roast coffee and relax. Be sure to buckle up, it may be a rocky ride.

For starters, did you know Leeches have 32 brains? Darn smarty pants anyway.

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote ‘Revelation 3:20’ on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, ‘Genesis 3:10.’ Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins ‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock.’ Genesis 3:10 reads, ‘I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.’

School Question
Mother: “Why are you home from school so early?”
Son: “I was the only one who could answer a question.”
Mother: “Oh, really? What was the question?”
Son: “Who threw the eraser at the principal?”

I had lunch the other day at a fast food place. Basic burger and fries type of place. I was munching away on my fries when I noticed that these fries had not been peeled. Having been raised on the farm, I knew that they grew in the ground. I also knew that a whole plethora of “things” reside in the dirt. “Things” like earthworms, wireworms, flea beetles, potato tuber worm, and white grubs to name a few. My enthusiasm for these fries began to wane as my mind began speculating on why these were left unpeeled. Was it a “trendy” touch? Was it a time and cost saving thing? I wondered to myself that if it was the latter would they also skimp on the washing of the potatoes to clean ALL the foreign matter from the skins. Now eating a little dirt didn’t bother me so much but thinking of the various grubs and worms that may have left their slime on the potato skins DID bother me. Surely you have surmised by now that I left the rest of my fries.

Life has now been explained. See what you think. On the first day, God created the dog and said, sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years. The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?” And God said that it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.” The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?” And God again said that it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.” The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?” And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.” But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?” “Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Some are demanding that police be retrained as a result of some violent outbursts around the country. So now let me see if I have this right!

There’s no guidance or discipline in the home. The family situation is so unstable, ‘Junior’ doesn’t even know where or to whom to send a Father’s Day card. Junior gets dumped into the education system where he is socially promoted because the overwhelmed school district can’t deal with the undisciplined whelp. Junior’s major formative influences are ‘gangsta’ rap videos and a corresponding peer group of gangsta wannabes. At age 18, Junior is turned loose on society carrying a bad attitude, a broken compass and little respect for authority. Junior gets himself in big trouble with the law and meets dire consequences.

Then, the situation diagnosis is that the “police” need more training and understanding? Pardon me for asking, but do you really believe this?

I am listening to Eric Clapton. “It was getting late; she’s wondering what clothes to wear. She puts on her make-up and brushes her hair. And then she asks me, “Do I look all right?” And I say, “Yes, you look wonderful tonight.” We go to the party and everyone turns to see this beautiful lady that’s walking around with me. And then she asks me, “Do you feel all right?” and I say, “Yes, I feel wonderful tonight.” I feel wonderful because I see the love light in your eyes. And the wonder of it all is that you just don’t realize how much I love you.” Sorry folks, this was not an original thought. I excerpted it from Eric Clapton’s song “Wonderful Tonight.” I had to share this with y’all. It is so cool. I am not a huge Clapton fan but this song and “Tears in Heaven” are wonderful. The “Tears” song was written after the tragic death of his son. It brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I’m doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.

If I can make at least one person smile, or laugh till they leak, then my day was not wasted. Now, until we meet again. -TA!