Drivel Over Coffee #255 3/3/2015

For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. Nelson Mandela

Good morning, here we are once more. Did you ever notice how the older you get, the younger you feel? Me neither. Speaking of feeling, all I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

These days we must all become tech savvy it seems. I have been “texting” more and more mainly to the kids. They know I am not aware of all the abbreviation shortcuts out there. They usually dumb down the text into a readable form for me. Curious, I began to wonder if there were shortcuts that we seniors could use when texting. Here is what I have run across so far.

ATD – At The Doctor’s
BFF – Best Friend Fell
BTW – Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT – Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM – Covered By Medicare
CUATSC – See You At The Senior Center
DWI – Driving While Incontinent
FWBB – Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW – Forgot Where I Was
FYI – Found Your Insulin
GGPBL – Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA – Got Heartburn Again
IMHO – Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO – Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL – Living On Lipitor
OMMR – On My Massage Recliner
OMSG – Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL – CGU – Rolling On The Floor Laughing… And Can’t Get Up
TTYL – Talk To You Louder
WAITT – Who Am I Talking To?
WTP – Where’s The Prunes?
WWNO – Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI – Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In

Isn’t DWI against the law?

Some know that I had a birthday recently. Here is a sampling of the gracious cards I received. I feel like Rodney Dangerfield – I get no respect.

I‘m having your birthday declared a national holiday! Hey, I just wanted the day off. Have a great one!

On your birthday, remember, with age comes wisdom. Which explains why you’re such a wise ass.

Mama says, (Sniff, sniff) “Burrito for lunch?” Papa, “Broccoli.” Love means never having to say “Excuse me.”

The Lord must be watching over me. Every night when I get up to pee, I open the bathroom door and he turns the light on. When I close the door, he turns the light off. I must be blessed. You’re not blessed… You’re peeing in the fridge.

Do you know why old men wear black socks with sandals? I don’t either but you’re one year closer to finding out.

We all know hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. As I was passing a patients door I overheard a student nurse and an elderly gentleman who was already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, discussing how he didn’t need any help. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let the nurse wheel him to the elevator. I followed this pair since I needed to go down also. On the way down the nurse asked him if his wife was meeting him. “I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.” Bazinga!!

When I have time on my hands as it seems I do these days, my mind goes in some strange directions. I have started radiation to treat a cancer on my vocal cords. No biggy they say. I will have to endure all of the side effects of radiation. I am getting pretty tired and have little or no ambition. So, just to keep myself doing something, I made a list of some of the things that have gone through my head in just one day. Incredible.

1. I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
2. I had amnesia once – or maybe twice.
3. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
4. What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
5. They told me I was gullible… and I believed them.
6. Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and when he grows up, he’ll never be
     able to merge his car onto a freeway.
7. Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
8. Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
9. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
10. My weight is perfect for my height – which varies.
11. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
12. The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
13. How can there be self-help “groups”?
14. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
15. Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?


Remember, there is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I’m doing it as a public service. (Refer back to the story above). Now, until we meet again. -TA!